The stresses of starting a new job

Starting any new job can be incredibly stressful.  It doesn't matter if it's in Aerospace or not. That being said there's something oddly terrifying about starting a dream job launching rockets.  Don't get me wrong. I love what I do, but.... What if I mess up? What if the rocket blows up? What if it's all my fault, and it comes back to me, and I get fired, and there goes my career, and my life is ruined, my life is over, WHAT WILL I DO!?!?! ............

Ok, now that we've been reminded of the absolute most extreme positively worst thing that can happen, let's take a step back. :)

Here are the 5 things I've learned from starting a new job:

1. You are NOT perfect. 
Let's be real with each other. You WILL make mistakes at a brand new job. Even if you've had 30 years experience. Embracing this fact makes the world a lot less scary and takes away the extra anxiety that the type A personalities (such as myself) tend to put on themselves.  Things happen. As long as you learn from that mistake (and I mean GENUINELY learn, not just "yeah yeah I know"), and do everything in your power to rectify it, everything will be ok. No one will look at you cross-eyed in the hallway, no one will give you grief. Wanna know why? Because chances are they've made that same mistake maybe even two or three times before you.

2. Take it easy. 
We have all heard this before, but Rome was not built in a day. You will not know every little acronym, analysis, or forcing function thrown your way off the top of your head. Don't rush through your work. Rushing only causes more mistakes, and means you haven't fully taken the time to understand what you are doing. Are you able to explain the details of the work that you do? Do the results make sense? If not, there might be a problem with how fast you are going.  If you get something done quickly, then great! Give yourself a pat on the back and feel good. If it took you a while to get that analysis done or that drawing change done, don't sweat it! Patience is a virtue for a reason.

3. There is always someone better than you, but NEVER stop questioning/asking questions. 
You may work with people who have just started and know nothing, or with people who have been an expert in their field for 40 years. Regardless of the background/history/heritage, always ask questions and never stop wondering why. Innovation comes when human beings question the status quo, when we ask "Can this be better?" or "Why does it have to be done this way?" Some people get stuck in their ways, and it's a good thing that you are there as a fresh set of eyes. Seeing something for the first time means you offer a new perspective. Now I'm not saying be a jerk, and tell the certified engineer who happens to be a fellow and AIAA tech lead "You're wrong, that's not right, butt head." However, you could say "Can you explain to me why this Navigation system uses this this this and this instead of methods A,B,C,and D?" Engineers LOVE to talk about what they do. Give them a chance to tell you why, and show you how awesome your new job will be ;)

4. It's going to feel overwhelming. You are going to feel like you are drinking water from a fire hose.
But honestly, if it doesn't feel overwhelming or like a brain overload, then you might be doing it wrong. Even if you have experience in that field, take the time to learn as much about everything as you can.

Credit to Jorge Cham 

5. Stop trying so hard.  
There will always be people who don't like you at first, who feel threatened by your presence, or simply disagree with the fact that you were hired in the first place. Don't worry about those people. Focus on you. I know that's easier said than done, but let's be real. There are always people in life who won't like you, and you can't change that. Let them be. If anything, they are missing out on an amazing person and a good time ;) Give yourself some credit and realize that just because someone on the team doesn't like you, doesn't mean it's the end of the world, or that the rest of the team feels the same way. Maybe that person needs to work through some of their own issues, or they are going through a hard time. No, that doesn't make it right that they didn't give you a chance, or they treated you poorly, but let them be. Let them deal with their own issues. You just started a new job, you've got bigger and more important things to worry about.  ;)

Love from your favorite Aerospace geek,
Anne

The "G-Word"

As I was in the middle of checking a calculation at work today, my phone rang and when I picked it up a woman on the other end said, "Hey girl!"

Did she really just say "hey girl"? I paused, at a complete loss for how to respond. Thankfully, she quickly filled the silence with technical questions and it was back to normal work. But my momentary discomfort reminded me of an incident that had happened years earlier.

In college I was on the executive board of an organization for women in technology that provided a professional and personal support network. I loved the organization, and always looked forward to crafting funny and welcoming emails to go out to our members about the upcoming events we had planned.

One day, my adviser emailed me asking that I come to her office- and the tone sounded more serious than normal. I sat down tentatively, and she took in a deep breath.

"Vanessa, we need to talk about your use of the 'g-word'," she said very carefully.

"Excuse me?" I asked, completely confused.

"The 'g-word'. You've been using the word 'girl' a lot in your emails and I've been getting complaints from some of the members that it's offensive and demeaning. I know you wouldn't intend to offend anyone, but you should probably choose another word."

I was honestly pretty shocked; I hadn't intended to offend anyone. I just wanted to make it sound welcoming and fun.While 'girl' can refer to a child, it can also just refer to a young woman, or a woman of any age. When starting an email, "Hey women!" sounded too formal and awkward, "Hey ladies!" sounded too sassy, and "Hey gals!" sounded like we are from the 1950's. I mean, 'girls night out' isn't demeaning, it just sounds like fun. How else was I supposed to address a group of women? How could a word that I always associated with fun be offending people?

What place would ever advertise a "women's night out"? It just sounds wrong.

I followed my adviser's advice (because she seemed to always be right about these things, even if I couldn't explain it), but it wasn't until I graduated that I began to truly understand why anyone would find this word off putting.

The only time I heard the word 'girl' at work in the first couple of years was dripping in venom. Men who were annoyed with me (or the rare other woman) would say things like, "Tell that girl that I don't think I should have to do that" or "That girl is being unreasonable". The passive aggressive vendor I mentioned in the email blog post is the perfect example of the type of person who enjoyed using the g-word. It was almost like they had done a one for one word replacement with 'bitch', and thought they'd get away with it since 'girl' wasn't technically a bad word.

I suppose they could have used 'woman', 'lady', 'person', 'human', 'engineer', 'genius', or really any word, and you would have been able to hear the same poison and disgust in their tone. But the perpetrators always chose seemed to choose 'girl', perhaps because it had the bonus implication of being young, inexperienced, and immature. As a side note, I always found that ironic because I think that debasing yourself by insulting people at work is rather childish.

That's how I ended up today, answering a phone and feeling momentarily shocked and defensive at a word I used to associate with fun social events. For the first time I can remember in my professional career it was meant in a nice way, so my defensiveness was unnecessary. But I couldn't help but wonder how a seemingly benign word had become such a weapon in the workplace.

I know that there is a pretty awesome, similarly themed P&G commercial about reclaiming the phrase "like a girl", although it mostly has to do with performing physical activities "like a girl". I think it's important to take that one step further; being young woman has nothing to do with competence physically or intellectually. In the workplace, I have been told that the word 'girl' is never appropriate. Admittedly, when it is used by the older generations, it almost always seems to be used in the form of an insult. But perhaps by banning the word we are unintentionally admitting that being a young female is somehow a bad thing.

I am a girl, even though I am not a child. My gender and my age have nothing to do with the quality of my work. Maybe the solution isn't discouraging people from using the word "girl" altogether (and therefore giving it even more power when used negatively), but using it more often in a positive context reclaiming the word and removing the negative stereotypes. What do you think?

Love,

Vanessa

How to manage sick days

As a child, I was taught that I had to go to school unless my fever was over 100˚F. That mindset has carried over to how I handle being sick as a working professional. In my mind, it doesn't matter if I'm just a little sick. 80% productivity is better than no productivity. Even if I'm feeling awful, I still go into work if I have looming deadlines to meet. But regardless of how sick I am, if I go into work, I get all those looks. You know the looks I'm talking about - the ones that tell you you're like the devil’s snotty step-daughter, just because you came in with the sniffles.

Whenever someone comes into work sick, there is always an unspoken clash. Some people (primarily the coworkers in near proximity to the ill individual) are angry that the infectious creature has come in to transmit their illness to the entire group. Whereas the person who is sick, especially if you are a new hire like myself, feels like she needs to always have her nose to the grindstone so that she can prove that she's dedicated, loyal, and efficient. When you're sick, it can even get to the point where you need to prove that you're an asset and that a measly fever won't deter you from accomplishing your work. So you put your nose to the grind stone, even if it's dripping with snot. (That just helps to lubricate the stone anyways, right?)

Image by Naomi, our newest contributor!

When you are sick, you are of one mindset, but when you are the healthy individual, trying to deter the transmitted illness, you're of the other mindset. Some people are literally begging you to take a sick day, while you are begging to let you prove that you're worth something.

This is true, even if you're not ill with anything that is transmittable. Earlier this week, one of my coworkers was feeling very ill because of a panic attack that she had, and my coworkers were trying to convince her to go home and take the time to recover. For the sake of this story, I'll cast my sick coworker as Angie, her boyfriend as Freddie, and the coworkers who were trying to gang-press her into taking a sick day as The Mobsters.

Angie: I'm not feeling great now, but I'll just take a nap in my car for a few hours and be fine.

The Mobsters: To heck with the job. Close up your stuff, give us your cell phone. We’ll call Freddie and tell him to meet you at the house. You’re going home and you’re going to bed.

Angie: But I could just take a small nap here for a few hours and then come back to life.

The Mobsters: Your job is not more important than your health.

Angie: I feel better now. Sometimes I get panic attacks.

The Mobsters: You didn’t get enough sleep. That’s why.

Angie: I should just sleep in my car. I’m feeling better, I promise.

The Mobsters: It doesn’t make sense to sleep in your car when you can sleep at home.

You can get your car tomorrow.

Angie: Fine, okay. I'll head home.

Despite the fact that I called them "the mobsters," I think that my coworkers actually did a very good thing in looking out for Angie. Additionally, I think they said something which can act as a good rule of thumb, "Your job is not more important than your health." Further, I think that there is an addendum I would like to add, "Your job is not more important than your coworkers' health." 

Image by Naomi, our newest contributor!

In fact, these two mantras are what I now use to determine if I'm going to take a sick day or not. I ask myself these two questions: 

1. Am I going to hurt myself by going to work? 
2. Am I going to hurt my coworkers by going to work? 

If you cannot answer "no" to both of these questions, then you really should stay home, despite whatever deadlines are looming over your head because your job should not take precedence over health and safety. 

Flirting vs. Being Mean

When a little girl kicks a little girl in the shins, pulls her hair, or calls her names- we tell the abused child that her bully is mean (because nobody calls children bad names). The same holds true if a little boy kicks a little boy, or if a little girl kicks a little boy. But, when a little boy kicks a girl in the shins, pulls her hair, or calls her names- we tell the abused child that the boy probably just has crush on her and  is trying to flirt with her. We tell her to not take it personally, boys will be boys.

And when those little kids grow up and become engineers (as some children are known to do), it becomes unacceptable to pull anyone's hair, or kick anyone in the shins. But for some reason, if a man is personally a jackass in the work place to a young woman- he is still somehow occasionally able to keep that "flirting" card that parents made up in grade school to avoid disciplining their children.

For example, I once asked a coworker a question about some work he had asked me to review, and he came to my desk not one, not two, but three times to tell me how stupid the question was. I would like to note here that the question was not stupid, but was actually me kindly pointing out that he had made a significant mistake (which he realized a week later, after having wasted a lot of time on his project). I knew his boss would catch it later if he was too proud to fix it at the time, so I didn't feel like it was worth the argument. And yet he not only defended the mistake vehemently, but he spent over half an hour reaming me as I continued to try to work on other tasks.

"I can't believe you would think that there was any foundation for a question like that," he said in an even tone. "If you had more experience you'd know that was a ridiculous thing to ask."

But after the fact, when I recounted the story to a coworker and friend of mine, he said, "Vanessa, you  are overacting. He's not being mean, he's just flirting with you!" And coworkers who witnessed the whole affair and had texted me and emailed me at the time asking if they needed to step in all said afterward that "he must just have a crush on you" because it was "totally out of character" for him.

I don't believe this was flirting (because if it was, it was the worst flirting I've ever experienced in my life). But even if it was flirting, I don't think it is fair to write off being mean just because the perpetrator wants to get into your pants. There have been other cases (although none quite as bad) where men have been outwardly rude to me at work, and others have commented later that "he must like you" as if that will somehow make everything better. I know there is such a thing as playful teasing, but this behavior is a step beyond that. If the same thing was said to any man in my office, there would be hell to pay. But if it's said to a woman, it's excusable. He just likes her. Everyone's made mistakes.

I realize that people typically say this with the intention of making the woman feel better about a bad situation, because somebody likes her so that must be good news. In my opinion, it actually just makes it seem like a woman should be striving for a man to like her regardless of how he treats her. It makes it seem like the woman somehow deserved to be mistreated, because somebody liked her.  But, being respectful and kind to other people should be something we all strive for regardless of gender. So, next time you see somebody being a jerk in the workplace- don't write them a "get out of jail free" card if they are being mean to someone of the opposite gender.

Love,

Vanessa

Advice From an Ex-Boss

Guess what? Sometimes, bosses quit too.

You've heard talk of this happening before, but you always thought it was just a rumor like engineering students who have a social life or job recruiters who don't ask for your GPA. But this is totally real, we promise.

And, sit down for this part (in case you are walking while reading this blog, which is a super dangerous habit anyways): when bosses quit, they sometimes will give you actual feedback.

For those of you who have had performance reviews, you know that through all of the confusion and stress you rarely feel like you've emerged with facts that help you improve yourself as an employee. With all of the politics going on, the fear of confrontation, and the limited interaction with employees, many bosses just give you a big "keep up the good work!" instead of pointing out one of the numerous things you feel you could improve. But when a boss quits, they can give you feedback without fear of political whiplash.

Anyways, this isn't just a hypothetical situation. Ruby and I have both recently experienced our bosses quitting. Although we work for different companies, we both received some of the same interesting advice from them on the way out. So we've decided to compile it and share it with you here.

Don't Work Too Hard 

We've all heard this advice a hundred times before in a number of cliche idioms:

• "Maintain a good work-life balance." 
• "Work hard, play hard." 
• "Don't burn yourself out." 

But this isn't just some generic cliche. This is the very person who was supposed to squeeze every drop of work out of you telling you that sometimes deadlines aren't the most important thing in the world. Though your boss will leave with all the cheer and not directly say a bad word about the work, environment, or company, you know: giving it 110% all day, every day was enough to push them out of the company. They lost their passion; they fell out of lust with the job, the science, the company, and the product. By making it their whole life, they made it a prison, which they had to break free from in order to find some joy in life. 

So what do you do when you hear this from your ex-boss? Keep an eye on your time at work and keep a finger on the pulse of your passion. It is okay to have busy days or even busy weeks. However, if you are spending months at a time in a routine which doesn't even give you enough time to sleep between getting home from work and going back, then you're doing it wrong. That is when you need to put your foot down, and show your bosses that evidence of the 80+ hours you've been working every week, and take some time off to sing with the birds snow, make a twinkle-twinkle-little-star centerpiece, write a post for your favorite blog, or something else. 

We find that when you take breaks appropriately (even if they're still ridiculously nerdy, engineering-related breaks), we end up much more motivated and happy at work. And a happy worker may not work harder, but they do work better. 

Fight for projects you are passionate about. 

"Fight for projects you are passionate about, not just ones your management is passionate about." We've actually gotten this advice from both ex-coworkers and ex-bosses. And we kind of like the advice. This isn't to say that you should deny working on projects with high management priorities. Those projects might even excite you in their own quirky ways. But it's different if you're working on a project that you've built from scratch. It's different for a project that you've had to advocate for. It's different for a project which you had an intellectually gladiatorial to battle to the death in order to get budget approval.

The projects you are passionate about are the ones you will enjoy the most.
Therefore, the projects you are passionate about are the ones that you will devote the most time to.
Therefore, the projects you are passionate about are the ones that will be the most innovative.
Therefore, the projects you are passionate about are the ones that will be the most successful.
Therefore, the projects you are passionate about are the ones that you will have the most pride in upon completion.
Therefore, the projects you are passionate about are the ones that will be the best for you.

This is meant in a totally non-ironic way. If you like your project, days will fly by!

But your positive experience isn't the only thing that will benefit. Your projects of passion will be most fruitful to your company and will be the most fruitful to your career. So fight for projects you are passionate about.

Stand up to your bosses. 

The exact advice we got was, "Don't be afraid to stand up to your bosses when they are wrong." This was especially interesting since we have had our fair share of disagreements with management regarding ethics, training, projects, time management, etc.

The point was that it is your duty as en engineer to tell people you won't turn over documentation by a deadline if it is a piece of crap, since in the long term, that would lose customers. Not that we have ever signed documents we didn't believe in, but they had probably sensed some of our past discomforts and wanted us to know that the management knew that we did the right thing (even if it was kind of annoying). Note that this advice distinctly doesn't mean you should escalate interactions to knock-down, drag-out fights because you don't like your cube location. Rather you should speak up more often when you are given impossible deadlines (which is frequently), to ensure a high quality product.

Keep up the good work.

"Keep working as hard as you always do; it doesn't go unnoticed." This advice is almost completely at odds with the first bit of advice, but the last bit makes it equally haunting. Who, pray tell, is noticing? Was it just my boss who is now leaving without telling anyone how I worked my ass off? Or is there some big brother who is looking over my shoulder and saying to other big brothers, "Oh that Vanessa, she is a hard worker." If so, this happens in the mysterious confines of their offices, without any seeming impact on my day to day life. Regardless, it is a little cryptic.

Beyond the enigma of the statement, though, is the obviousness of the advice itself. Of course you will continue to work hard. After all, you (like us) are a workaholic and perfectionist. In fact, we're beginning to think that's the definition of a good engineer. So while it's kinda cryptic and leaves us confused, once again, it's pretty much advice we're going to follow to a T.

Do it for your resume. 

"Stick it out until you are a supervisor; it will look good on your resume." This was the single most dark, and honest piece of advice we received. In all honesty, we'd considered leaving our positions for a variety of reasons, and this comment implied that they knew that we were in a tough spot. And yet, they recommended that we stay anyways. It's hard to tell if this was some sort of foreshadowing that they actually felt that we are supervisor material, or if there was some other reason we should stick around for a year. But either way, they acknowledge that we don't belong here for very long.

Hopefully, these pieces of advice have given you some food for thought. Keep in mind, like any advice, they are the opinion of only two individuals and should not be adopted blindly. But interestingly, it was the same advice that two people in different fields, at different companies, with different pressures both gave us. So perhaps there is a little bit of truth.

Love,

Vanessa and Ruby

PS. What is the best advice you've ever gotten from a boss?

How to Not Catch I-Don't-Give-A-Fuck-Itus

Some companies are inspirational playgrounds filled with motivated people pursuing projects about which they are passionate. Some companies are dreary, and filled with people who are looking for ways out of work so that they can sit at stare blankly at their computer screen. If you are in the latter company, it is easy to have your spunk sucked out by the still silence of unproductivity. It breeds I-don't-give-a-fuck-itus and will turn you into a work zombie who only lives outside of the office.

Being a work zombie sucks. It's depressing because you are wasting time, and because you never really accomplish anything worthwhile. And if you have an engineering or science degree, you have a set of skills that you can actually apply to make something better!

So here are my suggestions for how to keep yourself alive in an undead work environment :

1)  Remind yourself of your passions. If you go in caring about the work you do,  don't let other people's negative attitudes change that. If you don't like the work you do,  look for ways to use this job to do what you want.

2) Say at least one nice thing to somebody you work with every day. By making the effort to make other people's days a little bit better, you'll help chip away at the dreary environment. Being proactive about changing your environment also helps make you feel like you are doing your best, and will help you maintain your own positivity.

3) Try to work closely with your client, vendors, or whoever else you encounter on a daily basis. Sometimes, these groups have a better work philosophy, and it can be a breath of fresh air from the daily grind. Plus, it opens up possible opportunities with other organizations!

4) Join a positive organization outside of work. I typically like to do volunteer work, but you can try hackers organizations, book clubs, geocaching, and any type of well organized activity where you interact with inspired and happy people. It helps you maintain good work habits by reinforcing them outside of work, and gives you a solid example of what is important in your work environment. I take a lot of the positive management tricks I see from outside of work, and apply them in my office.

5) Remember that your coworkers and your work environment do not define you. This seems obvious, but it can be the hardest to put into practice. Even in a large corporation, as an engineer you are your own brand, and you will build a reputation for your own skills and work ethic. And if you continue to do amazing work, it will not go unnoticed forever.

With these tips, and a determination to make your office a little less apocalyptic, I hope you'll fend off I-Don't-Give-A-Fuck-Itus at least long enough to get yourself into a better position. Good luck!

Love,

Vanessa

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Why Most Engineers Don't Have Blogs

Because when push comes to shove 40 hour weeks can only account for the time I spent at work Monday to Wednesday,  weekends are but mere suggestions,  and I occasionally spend 12 hour days just arguing with people twice my age to ensure that my system works properly. Since I am passionate about my work and have what I believe to be a strong moral compass,  being confronted with individuals who are blowing smoke up my ass day in and day out so they can make a quick buck is extremely disenchanting. I think perhaps it is right of passage to adulthood to have the pleasure of a grown man looking you in the eye and lying about something that matters. And I think it is a right of passage to becoming a responsible adult to learn when and how to tell people you fucked up.

As much as I have ideas brewing,  and opinions I want to share,  I have to admit that in weeks like these I just come home and collapse in my bed,  and only get up in time to go to work again (in less than 7 hours).

At the same time,  I hate and love every moment. Every time I find out somebody has screwed me over,  I also know that I've caught a mistake before it causes damage. And I know every moment that I need to stay up,  every person I need to yell at,  every person I have to take yelling at me,  I know it's all worth it. And I don't want to risk loosing the ability to catch those errors.

And that is why I think most other serious engineers tend to stay away from blogging. Not because we can't write,  nor because we don't have opinions. Writing in a public forum is a risk,  and one with outcomes that cannot be accurately calculated. It's exactly what we are trained to avoid. And the risk of getting caught couldn't be higher; our dream of being able to continue to create is at stake.

Yet I still am writing. Maybe because I'm crazy,  maybe because I think it's important that people know that engineering is more than sitting on your butt and collecting a big pay check,  and maybe it is because I believe that discussing issues that plague our industry is the only way to fix it. But either way,  I'm going to keep on blogging and making crappy stick figures (at least for the near future).

Love,

Vanessa

PS Why do you think we don't have more active engineering blogging community?

How to Eat Like a Lady

I'm not the most graceful person, and I never claimed to be. You'd think that in a field filled with men, my less than dainty habits would be accepted at face value. But my occasional "unrefined" behavior seems to always seems to end up attracting more attention than intended- even at the lunch table. Take the following example:

SCENE: It is noon on a Wednesday and the fluorescent lights of the lunchroom are beating down on an odd conglomeration of people- mostly men. They range from youth fresh out of college, to card carrying AARP members. Some wear polo shirts, and others wear ties that slowly strangle them throughout the day. It's lunchtime and in their ravenous fervor, these men have all turned into children- devouring their lunches like Cookie Monster with little bits of sandwich flying like meaty shrapnel. They curse at each other and casually joke with their mouths' stuffed. 

I am silently observing the feasting, as I slowly eat my grapes. It is gross, and fascinating. Then, one fateful grape slipped out of my fingers and swiftly fell down my shirt. Of course I had managed to not only drop food, but drop it down my high cut shirt. The commotion stopped, and everyone became eerily quiet; somehow everyone managed to have seen my mishap. I froze, unable to figure out how to act. Do I retrieve the grape from down my shirt in the middle of a room filled with male coworkers as they watch?

You could feel the tension in the room as I lowered my eyes, reached for another grape in my Ziploc baggie, and continued to eat ignoring the cold grape in my shirt. One by one, people seemed to think they had tricked themselves in what they saw, and they resumed their normal behavior. Meanwhile I silently freaked out about the fact that there was still, in fact, a grape in my shirt.

As you can see, a simple slip up can cause a very awkward situation. So when eating with coworkers you should sit up, chew with your mouth closed, and don't drop things down your shirt. If you can manage that, then you'll make it out just fine.

Love,

Vanessa

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How to Act in a Women's Bathroom

I think we've all hear a bevy of stories about the unspoken rules of men's bathrooms: don't use the urinal next to someone else when there are other options,  look straight ahead,  etc. But what are the rules for public women's restrooms at work?

Honestly,  I had never even considered it until one of my coworkers tried to catch up with me in between her no-nonsense grunts from one of the stalls. Something about your acquaintance updating you on her kids' lives while she is taking a shit is a supremely uncomfortable situation. I kept trying to gracefully excuse myself from the situation,  but she just kept talking.

Since that fateful day, I've compiled a list of dos and don'ts for your average office restroom.

1) Keep your clothes on when not in a stall. I don't know why,  but one individual seems to like to zip and unzip her pants by the sinks instead of in the privacy of a stall. This makes everyone uncomfortable. There is no situation in which you will save time by unzipping your clothes before entering a stall and your office restroom is not a place for exhibitionists.

2) Do not engage in conversations where one or both parties are in a stall. I am aware that most of us do this when we are out at a bar with our bff, but when it's a coworker that you only sort of know,  it's weird.

3) Only use stalls with doors.  This isn't an episode of Orange is the New Black,  and nobody is comfortable enough with each other in an office situation to share that type of intimacy. I once worked in a place where one of the stall doors was stuck completely open,  and yet mysteriously every day the blue cleaner in the toilet would disappear by mid morning. I never caught the person using the toilet,  but I'm pretty sure I would have been scarred for life. Or at least the rest of the day.

4) Wash your hands. It's bad enough if you don't do it on your own time, but you should at least make an effort in front of somebody else.

5) Keep chatting time down to 5 minutes. It's true,  we all run into somebody in the restroom occasionally and catch up on company gossip. But even if you are low on work and wasting away your day,  your coworker may actually have things to do. And even if you are both wasting time, all of the men in the office will probably think you are menstruating if you spend 30 minutes chatting in secret, since that is the only reason they can  think of spending that much time in a bathroom.

Those five rules should help you from committing major a major faux pas. Do you have any other pet peeves for things people do in office bathrooms? Share them in the comments!

Love,

Vanessa

How To Be An Engineer, Not A Secretary

I took minutes for a few meetings this past week and sent them out to everyone in attendance. Each time, my boss hit the reply all button and commented with a simple and quick, "Great minutes, Ruby. Thanks for doing this." I am fully aware that I respond well to praise and validation, so this little comment from my boss is a nice touch. However, the number of thanks I've got for taking meeting minutes is disproportionate to the number of thanks I've gotten for doing other things, such as my daily engineering tasks. This makes me wonder, I am perceived as a better secretary than an engineer?

I know I'm good at secretarial things, like taking epic meeting minutes. As an engineer, I find it easy to accomplish and integrate them into my daily tasks. After all, I'm the technology-savvy one of the group. I can essentially type at the pace that people talk and capture all the important pieces of conversation while simultaneous pulling up schematics and study designs and contributing to the meeting. I can also manage to reorganize my notes so that it's more cohesive and understandable than the actual meetings.

I choose to complete some secretarial tasks to improve my own job performance as an engineer. But just because I'm good at secretarial tasks shouldn't mean that I should be relegated to a secretarial role in my boss' or coworkers' minds.

In fact, I find that more people (and my boss in particular) are aware of and impressed by my secretarial skills than my engineering skills. This is a little surprising. I know that my technical background can be impressive. After all, one of my coworkers told me I'm one of only two young employees he respects technically. I've also been given the nickname of "genius" (which is really awkward when said in hearing range of any of my other coworkers). Given my experience, accomplishments, and expertise in technical work, it's weird to get compliments on non-engineering work rather on work that takes a lot more skill and expertise.

My question here is: Why is it that I'm more recognized for being secretarial than technical?

I can imagine a number of explanations including gender role prejudices, a subconscious drive on my part to be a secretary, it's a knee-jerk reaction/compliment, or just because I'm the newest kid on the block.

Maybe the reason for my receiving praise for secretarial work can be attributed to gender role prejudices. I know there's a study which indicates that generally women in the group are relegated to "female" jobs such as being the secretary.

Women who have internships or jobs, she [Susan Sibley] explains, find they"are too often relegated to 'female' roles of note-taker, organizer or manager." ~Study by Susan Silbey at MIT 

In Susan Sibley's scenario, the female engineer is in the minority and therefore her coworkers will consider her the only option to fill the role of the (female) secretary. My problem is that this scenario isn't really applicable to my own situation. In my workplace and especially in the aforementioned recent meetings, I have been surrounded by what might be considered an abundance of women. Anything ratio of women:men which exceeds 1:1 is unusually high in the engineering industry. And most of the women I work with are intelligent and diligent scientists and engineers. However, I seem to be the only woman amongh this crowd who takes on the role of secretary.

It could be that thanking me for secretarial work is just a knee-jerk reaction on my coworkers' part. It could be that it's a habit to compliment someone for doing something outside of the scope of their everyday job in the same way it is a habit for you to always respond to, "How are you doing?" with a simple "good" or "fine." It's possible that my coworkers would give the same compliment regardless of who did the actual minute-taking. In this scenario, they aren't necessarily pointing out that I was doing secretarial work, but just that they appreciate it was done.

Perhaps, as I mentioned earlier, this whole situation has arisen because I have the unconscious mentality that I should be a secretary. I personally don't think of my note-taking and organizational abilities as my subconscious trying to make me into the obedient little secretary it always wanted me to be. That would be a seriously weird and devious move on my subconscious' part. Rather, I think of my actions as a means to obtaining the best notes possible and not being able to trust someone else to do it as well as I can. Because seriously, no one takes better notes than I do. And if getting the best notes possible is the goal, then taking them myself is the practical solution. (Mindset of a control-freak engineer, right here.)

I guess what I'm trying to say is that it's hard not being recognized for your braininess. It's hard to be recognized for your simple, mundane (though necessary work) when what you really want is to be recognized for the big things that I accomplish.

You want to be called first and foremost an engineer because you put in your time at school, you went through the pain of all-nighters, you learned those complex formulas and processes, and you earned your engineering degree. But you're not done yet. You have some more time, pain, and learning to go before you'll be universally recognized as a engineer.

How to Avoid Dating Your Client's Children

Pretty much every woman in engineering has dealt with being courted by a co-worker, boss, client, etc. While I'm sure some fairy-tale romances have blossomed from the office, most of the time office courtships are weird and inappropriate. But eventually,  you accept it and learn how to fend off future advances.

I figured I'd escape the burden of trying to appear un-dateable with some of my coworkers and clients who are literally old enough to be my parents. Fortunately they tend to not be "manthers" (men who go after women half their age) and I make an effort to not dress like a flasher, so I thought I was in the clear. But what I'd never counted on was that they have sons who are just about my age. In the past year alone, I've had THREE clients/coworkers try to set me up with their children.

Each time is oddly similar. It's almost like people who are trying to set their children up with people at work have a well established method of how to bring up the idea of dating their very single child who may or may not even live in the same state as you.

So, I'm going to share the script of how co-workers try to bring up the idea of dating their children to help you prepare for a similar event. Or if you have a twenty or thirty something year old child who you've always wanted to set up a coworker, but just didn't know how to go about it,  this script is the perfect way to make your coworker extremely uncomfortable.  

PHASE 1: THE COMPLESTION

The awkward courting ritual always begins with a complestion (a compliment whose main purpose is to ask you an otherwise inappropriate question). They are usually focused around determining your age and/or if you are single. Take the following example:

Them: "You seem so young to be so knowledgeable about <subject matter>. How old are you anyhow?"

My guess is that the questioner expects that the target [in this case me] will be so overwhelmed by the compliment that they will unquestioningly share personal information,  which will determine if they are dateable.

PHASE 2: THE SNEAK

The true meaning of the complestion becomes revealed when they just happen to remember their own child's age:

Them: "You know what, I just remembered my son's just about the same age."

Typical reactions from the target include some confusion about how one forgets the age of his or her own child, and increased wariness of the nature of the conversation. 

PHASE 3: THE HOMAGE

Next comes the "homage" where I have the pleasure of receiving a sermon worshiping the perfection that is my client or coworkers son. He may not be a god, but he is damn close:

Them: "He was on the honor roll all through college, and then he joined the military saves a town of women and children and now he's got a great job. He's already been promoted twice because he's so smart, reliable, and he's just got a great personality. You know, everyone used to come up to me at little league games and tell me what great sportsmanship he has.  AND he's single right now,  but who wouldn't want to date a guy like that?"

Me (in my head): You know he does sound perfect for me, especially those part that you omitted about the smoking, anger management problems, and his clingy dependence on his parents.

Me (spoken aloud): "Sounds like your son is a great guy." (Spoken in the least encouraging tone possible without coming off as sarcastic, to try and discourage the continuation of the conversation).

PHASE 4: THE SUGGESTED MEETING

I never claimed to be an artist... 

The final phase of the wildly inappropriate attempted setup is the suggested meeting where the client/coworker comes up with some ridiculous way in which you can meet his or her son:

Them: "I think you'd really like him, maybe I'll get him to come in the next time we have a meeting and you two can chat afterwards."

Me: "..."

Honestly, I still haven't figured out how to respond to that one. Meeting a guy who is not affiliated with your company or your client during working hours seems all sorts of unethical. I am also skeptical of anyone who can manage to take off of work to meet me at 2 pm on a weekday. One of  my coworkers actually flew in their 28 year old son to for "bring your child to work day" and introduced him to me amidst a hoard of under-supervised screaming pre-teens. It was really romantic. Surprisingly,  we are not dating.

If you happen to experience all four phases of this set-up without having been able to stop it one way than you have officially entered the world of super awkward setups. Once you reach the final stage, beware: there is a strong implication that you should make something happen. My solution for this is simply to out-awkward  everyone else by acting as if I am completely unaware of their intentions. I've found that people feel exceedingly uncomfortable if they have to spell out the fact that they want you to date their child- which means that if you hold out in complete naivete long enough they give up and you can avoid the problem effectively all together.

Good luck,

Vanessa

How to Not be an Anti-Feminist

DISCLAIMER: I realize this post is lacking my normal humor, but some issues need to be addressed more seriously.

As a professional female engineer I am constantly fighting stereotypes.  Some people see  me and think I'm a secretary. Some people assume I'm dumb and just got the job because I'm a woman.  Some people assume my gender precludes me from certain types of work. While it's weirdly fulfilling to shock people with my ninja engineering skills,  it definitely can wear on me.

The easy solution is to blame these associations on the men that dominate the profession,. But the truth is  some of the biggest opposition in making engineering a normal job for women is actually other women.

In engineering,  I've come across a spectrum of women:

Note that this is a spectrum, and that not all women fall into a single category

On one extreme is the ultra feminist who constantly points out oppression.  She asks that women not be forgotten, and constantly reminds people of the gender divide.

In the middle is the woman who counts herself as equal to (not better than) male counterparts. When at work her focus is her job, not her gender.

On the other extreme is the woman who was forced into engineering and is waiting to get married. She asks that men continue to treat her as a "lady".

All three groups arguably have their issues, which I can discuss in a future post. But some members of group 3 voice their lack of passion for engineering in such a way that they reinforce damaging stereotypes -  holding the rest of women back. It is this group which I think can have the same impact as a misogynistic man, and which I believe warrants further discussion.

For example there is the case of Jane, a Type 3 engineer.  Jane is a 3rd generation engineer,  and a nth generation aspiring housewife. Whenever Jane gets work she doesn't want to have to do, she denies it because it is not "women's work" and would be shameful to undertake. Things that are not "women's work"  include : driving,  making large decisions rationally, and anything else she doesn't feel like doing that day. She also frequently asks if her clients will be young eligible bachelors when she is assigned a project. I wish I was joking.

The problem with this is not only that she is destroying her own reputation, but that the men who have worked with her for years come to actually believe that there is such a thing as "women's work"  and hesitate assigning projects to other women. Several men have voiced concern when assigning me complex tasks, since Jane had previously complained that it was "man's work". In my mind,  this is the single most damaging thing to the inclusion of women in the workplace -  because while men can be punished for expressing that women are unable to complete tasks as a result of their gender,  women are less likely to be chastised for the same behavior. And, generalizations are more likely to be considered true when they are endorsed by a member of that group.

While I understand that behavior in Jane and others like her is not necessarily driven by a hatred of other women, I believe it is driven by an appalling lack of respect for the capabilities of women. The damage that this behavior causes, and the number of women who can be negatively impacted by the actions of just one other woman is staggering.

In order to prevent this damage, we each do two simple things to help change the world's perception of female engineers:

1) Attribute your own likes and dislikes and strengths and weaknesses to yourself instead of your gender.  We are all individuals and have different tastes and interests.

2) Encourage women to pursue a career they are passionate about (not necessarily just engineering).  There is a thin line between encouraging someone to consider a different field and forcing her to join a career which does not interest her.

Each one of us has the power to impact how society views female professionals, so if we all take simple measures we can make the lives of other women just a little bit easier.

Love,

Vanessa

How To Not Get Hep A from Coworkers

WARNING: This article is not for the squeamish.

So, you work with a lot of men. Well sister, I've got an unpleasant realization for you: a lot of those guys do not wash their hands. According to a 2009 study by the London School of Hygiene and Tropical Medicine only 31% of dudes wash their hands after using a public bathroom. My private research shows it is a little closer to 60%, which is still disgustingly low.

But Vanessa, how do you know how many men wash their hands? I'll tell you. I have a coworker who loves to complain, and who as over time compiled a list for me of all of the men who don't wash their hands at work. Given, a single violation puts you on the "filthy" list for good- so this doesn't account for the casual hand washer who sometimes just is too busy to follow through and clean the feces off of his hands.

But it shouldn't account for the casual hand washer. Because that is gross.

Now, think of knowing that all these people don't ever wash their hands and then having to shake their hands, and share pens, pencils, calculators, tools and computers with them. Some of the more extreme offenders apparently even bring business papers and business calls into the stall with them. Gross. I strongly suspect this is why people in workplaces tend to get sick so often.

Is it just me, or does the context make this photo seem super gross?

At this point, I know the mysophobes among you are wishing you could rock one of these babies to work:

Germs be gone!

Alas, it simply does not comply to business casual standards.

BUT ALL HOPE IS NOT LOST. Just get a giant bottle of Purell. And if you know somebody doesn't wash his hands (because I've honestly never seen a girl leave a bathroom without washing her hands), then douse everything in sanitizer when they leave. Try to do this as quickly and quietly as possible, as people tend to get easily offended when they realize you think you are going contract a disease from them.

You may now live a happy, healthy, Hep A free life.

Love,

Vanessa

How to Not Mother Your Coworkers

If I am being real (which I always am), I love coming home from a long day of work and whipping up some complex baked goods. And when I’ve made four dozen English breakfast scones, I have a strong urge to bring them into work because (A) I want to share them and (B) I  want to ensure I don’t eat them all myself. But, be warned: you cannot actually do this more than 3 times a year without being labled as the office mother. And really, who wants to be called the "office mother" when you could be called "techie", "genius", "magical", "badass" or just "engineer"?

The truth is that many men in my field tend to think of women as temporary fixtures in the workplace who are waiting to settle down and find a husband. So any behavior that reinforces this domestic housewife stereotype just shoots you in the foot.

Don't believe that this is still an issue in our progressive world? Well, after my first month at work, I was talking to a male coworker who had started about a week earlier than me.

Me: “Wow! Time really flies I can’t believe it’s been a whole month!”

Him: “I know! Next thing you know, you’ll be married, at home, taking care of a couple of kids.”

Me: “... Cool...”

Yes, I really did give that awkward of a response. But here I am just trying to make smalltalk and he has to bring up my apparent future as Martha Stewart. To be fair, he meant it in a nice way. But it really  goes to show that despite your publications, patents, Ivy League degree, and recent cure for cancer, some people will just see you as a mother, a wife, and someone in a kitchen making them a sandwich.

Anyways, as you can see, reinforcing the existing stereotypes by bringing in food cannot possibly turn out well.  If nothing else, people start to associate you with baked goods instead of your engineering prowess. I made bread for my coworkers over six months ago, and one of them still comes over to my desk to tell me he literally dreams about my baked goods and that he has tried to get his mother to figure out the recipe. Take that as you will.

So go out and make some friends to feed cookies, or donate them to a local soup kitchen if you are feeling particularly angelic. You can even find a local college campus and find some poor, starving students to feed (hey, it wasn't so long ago you were one of them). But if you can help it, don’t bring food into work.

Love,

Vanessa

PS. Technorati wanted me to put this in my blog so they know I write it... NCPYNCNZHDMM