Advice From an Ex-Boss

Guess what? Sometimes, bosses quit too.

You've heard talk of this happening before, but you always thought it was just a rumor like engineering students who have a social life or job recruiters who don't ask for your GPA. But this is totally real, we promise.

And, sit down for this part (in case you are walking while reading this blog, which is a super dangerous habit anyways): when bosses quit, they sometimes will give you actual feedback.

For those of you who have had performance reviews, you know that through all of the confusion and stress you rarely feel like you've emerged with facts that help you improve yourself as an employee. With all of the politics going on, the fear of confrontation, and the limited interaction with employees, many bosses just give you a big "keep up the good work!" instead of pointing out one of the numerous things you feel you could improve. But when a boss quits, they can give you feedback without fear of political whiplash.

Anyways, this isn't just a hypothetical situation. Ruby and I have both recently experienced our bosses quitting. Although we work for different companies, we both received some of the same interesting advice from them on the way out. So we've decided to compile it and share it with you here.

Don't Work Too Hard 

We've all heard this advice a hundred times before in a number of cliche idioms:

• "Maintain a good work-life balance." 
• "Work hard, play hard." 
• "Don't burn yourself out." 

But this isn't just some generic cliche. This is the very person who was supposed to squeeze every drop of work out of you telling you that sometimes deadlines aren't the most important thing in the world. Though your boss will leave with all the cheer and not directly say a bad word about the work, environment, or company, you know: giving it 110% all day, every day was enough to push them out of the company. They lost their passion; they fell out of lust with the job, the science, the company, and the product. By making it their whole life, they made it a prison, which they had to break free from in order to find some joy in life. 

So what do you do when you hear this from your ex-boss? Keep an eye on your time at work and keep a finger on the pulse of your passion. It is okay to have busy days or even busy weeks. However, if you are spending months at a time in a routine which doesn't even give you enough time to sleep between getting home from work and going back, then you're doing it wrong. That is when you need to put your foot down, and show your bosses that evidence of the 80+ hours you've been working every week, and take some time off to sing with the birds snow, make a twinkle-twinkle-little-star centerpiece, write a post for your favorite blog, or something else. 

We find that when you take breaks appropriately (even if they're still ridiculously nerdy, engineering-related breaks), we end up much more motivated and happy at work. And a happy worker may not work harder, but they do work better. 

Fight for projects you are passionate about. 

"Fight for projects you are passionate about, not just ones your management is passionate about." We've actually gotten this advice from both ex-coworkers and ex-bosses. And we kind of like the advice. This isn't to say that you should deny working on projects with high management priorities. Those projects might even excite you in their own quirky ways. But it's different if you're working on a project that you've built from scratch. It's different for a project that you've had to advocate for. It's different for a project which you had an intellectually gladiatorial to battle to the death in order to get budget approval.

The projects you are passionate about are the ones you will enjoy the most.
Therefore, the projects you are passionate about are the ones that you will devote the most time to.
Therefore, the projects you are passionate about are the ones that will be the most innovative.
Therefore, the projects you are passionate about are the ones that will be the most successful.
Therefore, the projects you are passionate about are the ones that you will have the most pride in upon completion.
Therefore, the projects you are passionate about are the ones that will be the best for you.

This is meant in a totally non-ironic way. If you like your project, days will fly by!

But your positive experience isn't the only thing that will benefit. Your projects of passion will be most fruitful to your company and will be the most fruitful to your career. So fight for projects you are passionate about.

Stand up to your bosses. 

The exact advice we got was, "Don't be afraid to stand up to your bosses when they are wrong." This was especially interesting since we have had our fair share of disagreements with management regarding ethics, training, projects, time management, etc.

The point was that it is your duty as en engineer to tell people you won't turn over documentation by a deadline if it is a piece of crap, since in the long term, that would lose customers. Not that we have ever signed documents we didn't believe in, but they had probably sensed some of our past discomforts and wanted us to know that the management knew that we did the right thing (even if it was kind of annoying). Note that this advice distinctly doesn't mean you should escalate interactions to knock-down, drag-out fights because you don't like your cube location. Rather you should speak up more often when you are given impossible deadlines (which is frequently), to ensure a high quality product.

Keep up the good work.

"Keep working as hard as you always do; it doesn't go unnoticed." This advice is almost completely at odds with the first bit of advice, but the last bit makes it equally haunting. Who, pray tell, is noticing? Was it just my boss who is now leaving without telling anyone how I worked my ass off? Or is there some big brother who is looking over my shoulder and saying to other big brothers, "Oh that Vanessa, she is a hard worker." If so, this happens in the mysterious confines of their offices, without any seeming impact on my day to day life. Regardless, it is a little cryptic.

Beyond the enigma of the statement, though, is the obviousness of the advice itself. Of course you will continue to work hard. After all, you (like us) are a workaholic and perfectionist. In fact, we're beginning to think that's the definition of a good engineer. So while it's kinda cryptic and leaves us confused, once again, it's pretty much advice we're going to follow to a T.

Do it for your resume. 

"Stick it out until you are a supervisor; it will look good on your resume." This was the single most dark, and honest piece of advice we received. In all honesty, we'd considered leaving our positions for a variety of reasons, and this comment implied that they knew that we were in a tough spot. And yet, they recommended that we stay anyways. It's hard to tell if this was some sort of foreshadowing that they actually felt that we are supervisor material, or if there was some other reason we should stick around for a year. But either way, they acknowledge that we don't belong here for very long.

Hopefully, these pieces of advice have given you some food for thought. Keep in mind, like any advice, they are the opinion of only two individuals and should not be adopted blindly. But interestingly, it was the same advice that two people in different fields, at different companies, with different pressures both gave us. So perhaps there is a little bit of truth.

Love,

Vanessa and Ruby

PS. What is the best advice you've ever gotten from a boss?

How to Handle a Performance Review

I don't know if my situation is like your situation, but let me tell you, I am always terrified for my performance reviews. It's not that I do a bad job. In fact, I know I do a fantastic job because:

• I put in insane overtime
• I am almost anal/ocd about only turning in excellent work
• I'm actually also completing the backlog of work that was left by my predecessors
• My coworkers are constantly telling me how impressed with my work they are
• My boss, my boss' boss, and my boss' boss' boss is constantly telling me how well I'm doing
• I'm constantly being appointed to big projects or company-wide task forces

Despite all that, performance reviews make me trepedatious. I'm worried that I've accidentally said something wrong on one of my bad days, that I'm not performing well enough, or that I'm not smart enough. Basically, I feel a bit like an imposter, and I feel like I'll finally be told the truth as a surprise reveal at my performance review.

As it turns out, my worries were unfounded, as should have been obvious to me by the evidence I listed above. Despite that, my performance review was still unsettling. It basically turned out to be a weird combination of a game show and interview.

My performance review this year [2013]

Boss: Okay, are you ready for your performance review?
My mind: Of course I'm ready. This is what I've been mentally conditioning myself for over the past two weeks. Give me your worst. I can take it. I'm a warrior with a tenacious and confident intellect. But actually, please be nice.
Me: Yes.

Boss: Great. What is your proudest moment of the year?
My mind: What is this, an interview? My proudest moment was being the glue who kept this department from falling apart. But I can't tell you that because that's your job.
Me: I'm really proud of XYZ project and how much I've learned this year.

Boss: What do you think could be improved upon?
My mind: Seriously? This is the vaguest question ever. This could refer to my company as a whole, my department in general, my experiences with you, or myself. What do you mean? Also, I have to point out that this is yet another interview question.
Me: Well, I think that managing the abundance of projects we have is always a difficult task because resource prioritization.

Boss: How well do you think you did?
My mind: And now I'm on a game show. Guess your score on a scale from one to five. If you guess too high, we judge you. If you guess too low, we pity you. Guess right and you get absolutely nothing. This is a lose, lose, lose situation. Try not to lose!
Me: I think I performed well.

Boss: No really, how well do you think you did?
My mind: Is this a trick question? You just asked me this. Okay, here goes...
Me: I think I performed very well.

Boss: Okay, let me be bad cop now.
My mind: Uh oh. Here it comes.
Me: Okay.

Boss: Just kidding. You have nothing to improve upon.
My mind: Seriously, nothing at all? You can't give me any constructive criticism? Improve timing? Improve leadership? Stop being such a leader? Stop socializing so much? Socialize more? Are you really telling me I'm absolutely perfect?
Me: Well, that's good.

Boss: Also, here's a surprise promotion.
Kaboom. My mind has been blown.
Me: That's great! Thank you so much!

As you can see, the year-end review I had was a bit of a roller coaster ride that ended on a confusing, yet high note. But just to show you that I'm not the only one who is left unsettled and confused, I have a few more year-end review anecdotes for you. Obviously because these are being retold, I can't include the behind-the-scenes thoughts(for the most part, except when they've given me their commentary). However, I'm sure you can fill in the blanks with your imagination.

A friend's performance review

Boss: You screwed up here.
My friend: Yes, I know.

Boss: You also screwed up here.
My friend: Yes, I know.

Boss: Oh, and you screwed up here, too.
My friend: Yes, I know. Do you want me to explain why I missed deadline? I have a very good reason and you backed me up at the time. Oh, you don't? Okay, I'll be quiet.

Boss: You also did a few things pretty okay.
My friend: Well, that's good, I guess.

Boss: Congratulations, we love you, keep doing what you're doing.
My friend: Cool?

Another friend's performance review

Boss: Your work is fabulous.
My friend: Great, it's good to know my effort is appreciated.

Boss: But you have a few things that you should improve on.
My friend: Oh, really?
My friend's mind: Which of the many areas do you want me to improve on? I could know more about statistics. I could know more about biology. I could know more about chemistry. I could know more about nuclear physics. I could know more about astronomy. I could know more about nerf guns.

Boss: We want you to be more professional?
My friend: Okay...

Boss: Basically, we want you to change you to change your vocabulary slightly. Oh, and have better posture.
My friend's mind: That's all? Seriously, that's what you want me to improve on? I'm a scientist and you don't want me to improve my science?

Boss: Oh, and we think we're going to promote you next year.
My friend's mind: Great. Are you going to tell me how to make that happen? No, okay, I'll just smile gratefully.

From all the stories I've heard of year-end reviews, everyone is always left somewhat dazed and confused, regardless of how well it went.

Honestly, I don't really have much advice to give. From what I can tell, a performance review is always going to be a roller coaster of terror and confusion. But if you do your job well, it will usually end in a pat on the back and appreciation because there is still a scarcity of quality engineers out there (if you don't believe me, look at some of the stories Vanessa and I have written about our coworkers...). And since you are surely doing quality work, your company will try to openly appreciate and appease you in order to keep you around. And if they don't, then it's time to start looking for a new job anyways.

Also, I'd love to hear your performance review stories. Are they as confusing and crazy as these? Have you had a different experience than me and my friends?

How to Spot a Good Manager

Vanessa tells me that while I talk a lot about what it's like to be a new engineer in the field, I don't talk frequently about what it's like to be a female engineer. I don't talk a lot about gender roles in engineering because I don't feel I have as much to contribute on the topic as most other women in engineering. This is because I work at an engineering company which has close to 50% women, which is is kind of like stumbling into cave full of already-mined, already-cut 30 carat diamonds after stumbling through a cave of already-mined gold. I know that you're thinking, "liar, liar, pants on fire! No engineering company has that many women!" But it's true.

This is how I imagine we would interact if/when I mentioned the gender distribution at my firm in a face-to-face conversation.

And there is more. Not only do I work with a decent number of female coworkers, but there are also a fair number of women who are managers at the company. Yes, my boss is a woman. To top that, my boss' boss is a woman and my boss' boss' boss is a woman.

So, you see, I'm not the most informed source when it comes to engineer workplace gender inequalities. I do, however, have a bit more insight into women in management. I compiled a list of the women in management, categorized them into good managers and poor managers, and compiled a list of common traits for each category. This list is solely based on female managers, but looking back at it, it's clear that it's applicable to both genders. Anyways, onto the list.

In my opinion, there are a few things that good managers will do:

Maintain realistic expectations
For me, what truly makes a manager stand out is that they are realistic and that they maintain focus. They know that ideals are great, and can be pursued to a certain extent, but you must keep your eye on the prize at all times. These managers accomplish a great balance between encouraging scientific inquiry and requiring deliverables which will meet business needs. They allow time for your pet projects (e.g. investigating a really weird observation, which could result in a new discovery and published paper), but also keep the main focus on the business needs (e.g. that equipment redesign plan that's necessary to for the next phase of the project).

Give praise when praise is due
Another common theme with some of my awesome female managers is that they know when and where to give praise. An ideal manager will give praise regularly for big-ticket projects and occasionally for doing a good job in general. Praise should be given regularly, but not too frequently.

Poor managers have a hard time balancing the correct amount of praise. Some will praise you too frequently, which doesn't seem like such a horror until you realize that they're praising you for things that don't merit praise (e.g. taking meeting minutes). Then, when they do praise you for big-ticket projects, it no longer feels like an accomplishment because your epic three-week intense project got the same response as taking meeting minutes.

Other poor managers will praise you too infrequently. In these cases, the managers don't appreciate your work, nor your many unpaid overtime hours, nor having a project be well-received by a client, nor that you saved their files from an untimely coffee spill. All of these acts are worthy of praise, especially that last one, of course. The bosses who cannot see that such acts are worthy of praise can pretty much be described in one word: "grumpy." I've seen first-hand how a lack of such praise makes employees feel defeated and thus think that overachieving will never be worth the effort.

And here are some things that a good manager will not do:

Disrespect the underlings
I had one manager who told me to my face that she knew more about science than I did, even though her degree was in business management. Telling anyone that their knowledge is inadequate when they've worked and studied hard in the area is going to hurt them. Plus the underling will know the manager is full of crap and lose respect for the things they do know about.

Be a slimy politician
Seriously. Reserve politics for the actual politicians, the ones who think they run a country and who like to talk circles around the issue. If your manager thinks she's a smooth talker, then I can almost guarantee that her underlings think she's a lousy scientist and a panderer. That manager tends to make life harder for their underlings. Because let's face it, smooth talkers make impossible promises. And then the underlings either have to bust their butts to meet unreasonable deadlines or deal with falling short when the deadline arrives.

Do not be indecisive and inconsistent
That one's pretty much self explanatory. Good managers aren't wishy-washy. Good managers don't change their minds (unless it's justified by new evidence). And good managers have their thoughts organized enough that they remember what they've previously decided. It's a waste of time to convince someone of something you've already spent an hour convincing them of earlier that week.


If you look at the list, you'll realize that there's no reason the same exact list can't apply to men. I have never seen any particular drawback which is specific to one gender or the other. In my mind, if you're a good manager, then that's the end of it; management skills aren't attributable to gender. The female managers I have dealt with aren't catty, bitchy, or any of the other stereotypes engineers often think define a women in management.

However, I do acknowledge that all of these cases of good and bad managers came from my own experiences with women in management and that my data may have a systemic bias/skew because of the distribution of women/men in my firm. So I'd love to hear from other sources: What is your company's gender distribution like and what are your experiences with women in management?

Best,
Ruby