Do we discriminate against ourselves?

My friend at work (let's call her Susan) was recently thinking about applying to become a supervisor. Susan exceeded all of the stipulations in the job posting including having over twice the number years of experience required. And yet, when Susan was thinking about applying she was legitimately concerned that she was not good enough to apply. Because Susan felt like if she was going to be THE female supervisor, that she had to be beyond kick-ass to set a standard for what a woman in that role can be. Otherwise, in Susan's mind they'd see her failures as a failure of women to be able to perform that role.

Yeah, from an outside perspective it's crazy for someone to feel that they represent their entire gender, race, religion, etc. But at the same time, in industrial engineering settings where there are few women in an organization, and even fewer (or none) in management - we do often hold other women (and ourselves) accountable for "representing women".

As I type this, I can hear how silly that sounds. But something about the environment makes me react when one woman is under-performing, or using what appears to be a "maiden in distress" tactic to get other people to do her job, or otherwise reinforcing negative stereotypes that are still prevalent in our work environment. Maybe it's because it brings me back to memories like when it was the middle of a big troubleshooting effort, and some guy who didn't know me assumed I was incompetent and made jokes about me being great for a secretary. And so later, I feel like a woman who doesn't "prove people wrong" is somehow losing ground that the rest of us are trying to gain. Women have been the industry for decades, and there must be a reason why we are treading water when it comes to the race towards equality.

I wish it was just me; I know that there are a lot of us who feel that way... But when I step back for a second, I realize that the women I'm judging for not "representing women" are not actually any worse than their male counterparts. Because I believe they represent us as a whole, my expectations for them (and for myself) are unfairly high. Just as my friend Susan's expectations for herself as a potential supervisor were unfairly high. As she described her "shortcomings" it was clear that she thought she should have manager level experience to perform a supervisor level role.

Whatever we want to call this mindset (which is a mix of imposter's syndrome and believing that we need to represent all women), we need to collectively snap out of it. No other woman represents us as individuals, and we don't represent other women. By perpetuating this thought process, and not applying to jobs when we are qualified (and not overqualified) we are becoming complacent in constructing the glass ceilings that limit us from progress.We shouldn't have to outperform men to be considered equals.
























So give yourself, and other women, a break. Don't disqualify yourself from a position before you've even given it a shot, and try to not blame other women for causing discrimination you see in other parts of your life with their shortcomings. The only way we'll be judged as individuals (as we should be) is if we start to change the rhetoric.

Love,

Vanessa

Coming Out (or Not) To Your Co-Workers As a Bisexual Female Engineer

In light of recent news events, I thought that it was important to address the ~10% of the population who is LGBTQ and may be interested in engineering. In a field of work where it can already be difficult to be a woman, it can be daunting to have to figure out how to handle being a member of the LGBTQ community. Since I can only imagine what it is like to have an additional hurdle to jump over in the maze that is the engineering profession, I found a bad ass female engineer (who we'll call Dr. Valerie Green) to tell her story.

Coming Out (Or Not) To Your Co-Workers as a Bisexual Female

“Do you have any fun weekend plans with your boyfriend?”

My heart started beating in panic and I stared at my male coworker sheepishly, not knowing what to say. I had been at my company for a few months, fresh out of school, and I didn’t know much about my coworkers. I wanted to make a good impression and avoid offending anyone, but constantly having to hide your personal life was becoming difficult.

“Um, I actually don’t have a boyfriend,” I decided to settle on.

He scoffed in disbelief. “Ha! Yeah, right.” A moderately attractive female, surrounded by mostly males throughout college and now at work, without a boyfriend? Surely I must jest.

But I wasn’t joking. I am engaged to a woman that I love with my entire being, and I was used to referring to her as all sorts of things — my roommate, my friend, a mysterious, genderless “person” I was dating — but I didn’t want to start off with telling a lie to people that I was going to work with for many years. So I just avoided the topic like it was the head cold traveling around the office.

I thought I was clever when I started at the company and put a picture of her on my desk, holding one of our cats. If anything screams “lesbian”, I thought, it would be that. I could subtly come out and avoid any awkward conversations because people would just assume. But the man in question that assumed I had a boyfriend had seen the picture many times. My coworker sitting next to me just said he thought it was a friend. I asked one of my friends and he said he would have assumed it was my sister. A picture on my desk of a girl, of a different race than me, holding a cat — the first thought that would enter his mind would be “sister”. This was going to be harder than I thought.

When I’m behind closed doors with my fiancé, I forget that she’s female (okay, I don’t exactly forget, I just forget that it’s supposed to be weird). When I step outside, and forget for a second that if I hold her hand, or give her a peck on the cheek, it’s not normal anymore — people start staring and I’m immediately reminded that I have to be conscious of all of my actions. I remember that she’s a girl instantly. It wasn’t this way when I dated men, no, if someone passed you intensely sucking face with your boyfriend they wouldn’t give you a second glance. That stuff happens all the time. Two girls walking down the street, not even making out, but just holding hands? Be prepared for a crowd, whispers, giggles, and random guys yelling “hot!”

But when I’m at work, I am very conscious about my sexuality. I am very ambitious. I want to advance my career. I spent a long time getting my PhD and I am not going to be turned down for a job offer or a promotion because someone feels uncomfortable about my sexual orientation. When we’re all shooting the breeze and talking about our significant others, or our weekend plans, I always make mine very vague. Recently I went on an international trip and one of my coworkers asked “who are you going with?” I responded “oh just friends you know…” and then pardoned myself to the bathroom to prevent the conversation from going any further. I know so much about their lives and I’ve revealed very little about mine. It’s a barrier I long to break, to become human to them — but I can’t. At least, not yet.

There is one coworker I’ve gotten to know decently well; I have spent a little bit of time outside work with him. After some time, I started to feel comfortable with him. I came to learn that he is liberal, about the same age as me, and seems to be very laid back. As scared as I was, I decided to come out to him. He was very taken aback and said he did not see it coming at all, but since then he’s been very supportive, and has told me which people in the group wouldn’t care and which might. And he confirmed that even if they did think something negative about it, no one would actually say or do anything. Even though it wasn’t the entirely positive response that one would hope for, it did make me less afraid to come out to the rest of my coworkers.

There’s also a limit to waiting too long, becoming too distant and fearful that people feel like they might not really know you, and in my experience, people may end up surprising you. I spent four and a half years in an office with a lot of international students that I knew very well professionally but not very well personally. I came out to the Americans in my office almost instantly, and all of them responded positively. Eventually, I started to get close with a Muslim man in my office. As we got closer, I felt that I was lying to him by not telling him about the fact that I was in a relationship with a girl. One day, I took him on a walk. I started to cry. In fact, I started to sob. I thought that there was a chance he wouldn’t want to be friends with me anymore. After I told him, he hugged me and told me that he would always be my friend and that nothing would change. Less than a year later, a Chinese girl in the office walked up to me and told me that she knew I had a girlfriend. And that she was happy for me, and that anyone who wasn’t happy for me wasn’t really my friend. That made my eyes watery, because I had hid that fact about me from her for so long, and it ended up not mattering at all. If I could go back and do it all over, I’d have more courage. 

However, there is no reason to jeopardize your future by pissing off someone you don’t know very well yet. Let them know who you are as a person, and that you’re kind, hard-working, reliable, and not scary or gross. Whether we like it or not, first impressions count, and snap judgments are made about you from what people initially know about you. It can either be “Oh, that new girl is a lesbian” or it can be “Oh yeah, I heard Valerie is queer. No biggie." You’re the same person they’ve known and worked with for a while now, there’s just an aspect of their personality that you didn’t expect. Ease them into it. It’s hard not to stand up for what you believe in and to hide a major part of your life, but it’s also hard to bite your tongue when your boss gives you an assignment that you absolutely despise. A lot of things in life are hard. Many people who don’t fully understand the situation will give you poor advice like “just tell them you’re into chicks and if they don’t like it then fuck 'em!” No. Don’t listen to those people. Well, if you don’t value your career that much, then you can listen to those people. But weigh your options. Play it safe until you feel like your group really knows you do good work and that you’re a good person. 


I will come out to many more of my coworkers soon, when the time is right. I’m not going to force it, but I’m not going to hide it, either. 

-Dr. Valerie Green

Age != Experience

(Or Age Does Not Equal Experience, for those of you who aren't familiar with regex notation)

Ever since I was a child, I always felt like I was underestimated because of my age. I was lucky enough to have parents who treated me as an adult and took my ideas and opinions seriously even before I had graduated from Velcro sneakers or learned to correctly pronounce the word "vanilla". And yet, I quickly began to realize that other adults would completely discredit whatever children said based on the fact that we were, in fact, just children. I looked forward to the day I was 18 and  people would magically begin to listen to what I had to say without following it up with a "Did you hear what Vanessa said? That's so cute." 

My first engineering job was actually in high school, because I found another person who had faith in my work even though I had barely just gotten my driver's license. I had my own project, my own goals, and my own equipment, without the coffee-getting and copy-making that is normally associated with a high school job. My boss taught me how to dress, speak, and act like a professional instead of some ditsy teenage girl, and as people heard what I had to say, I noticed they slowly began to listen. The more people saw the work I produced, the more they ignored the fact that I had to go back to high school on Monday morning. To be honest, in the years I spent there I did more real "engineering" than I did subsequently.

I think this is what other people saw when I walked in the room

My 18th birthday came and went, and noticed that the bar for being taken seriously had moved up a few years. As I stacked on more accolades and years of experience, I got used to the fact that people would always either be surprised about my age (if they had seen my resume first), or not believe my experience (if they had seen me first). Eventually, I learned these two opposing perceptions of me would come to equilibrium because I worked hard and I earned people's respect when they saw what I could accomplish. But after almost a decade of having to constantly prove myself to doubters, I always thought there would be a time where I don't have to spend my first six months proving that I have some baseline competence. 

Fast forward to today, where I am well into my twenties, and in a required training class with other new hire engineers. I'm almost a decade younger than the next youngest person in the class, but have the second most years of experience in the industry.

One of the oldest men made a blanket statement of, "Yeah there are a lot of people here with very little experience before they got hired, like Vanessa." I turned to look at him, questioningly. "Well, this is your first job out of college, right?" he continued. 

"No..." I responded, a bit annoyed since we had introduced ourselves with our previous experience earlier that day. He either had the world's worst memory or was choosing to disregard what I had said. 

"Well, I mean you just came from that other thing, but it was just a co-op position."

"No, it was a job."

"Oh, so like an internship?" he smiled, as if he had caught me in a lie. 

"No, it was a job."

"But this is like, your first engineering job, right?"

"Nope, and it's not my second engineering job either..." My computer pinged, and one of the other guys in my class had just walked into the room and had IM-ed me 'Vanessa, be nice'. He's right, don't let this guy make you act unprofessionally, I told myself. 

"But you didn't do actual engineering before now, right?"

"I have been actually engineering things for almost ten years now," I said, being careful to control my tone so I didn't show my annoyance. 

"Well, okay then," he chuckled, turning away, and starting into some new conversation. 

While this particular experience is clear in my mind due to its recent occurrence, it's anything but rare and yet I'm still never sure how I should respond. Should I keep copies of my resume stamped by a notary? Should I have them Google me so they know I'm not full of shit? Should I just laugh it off and let them think that I'm an incompetent young fool who was accidentally given a job she didn't earn?

I know that my other young female overachiever friends often report similar experiences to me. And, while I presume some young male overachievers experience the same thing, I've never witnessed it, and my friends have not admitted such experiences to me. As a result, I'm unsure how much of this has to do with being young, and how much has to do with being a young woman. But either way, I don't see a clear way to tackle this systemic issue more than one experience at a time, except by rising above it myself. 

In a lot of ways, it's these experiences that drive me to be the exception to the rule, like my first boss. To listen to what people have to say regardless of whether they are 5 or 30 or 63 or 92. To judge people based on their potential and their accomplishments. To take everyone seriously from the moment you meet them, and base your opinions on facts and not assumptions. If we can each try to do these things ourselves, then perhaps it will start to dwindle as a problem overall.

Love, 

Vanessa

Why Being A Female Engineer is Awesome: Part 2

It may be 2015, but a lot of people still don't think that women should be (or are) engineers. But in reality, there are many female engineers, and it's a pretty fantastic career to have. So, I'm working on slowly compiling a list of (somewhat silly) reasons why it's actually awesome to be a female engineer. Check out Part 1 of this series if you haven't seen it yet!

Why Being a Female Engineer is Awesome: Part 2

Because An Engineer Is Basically A Superhero(ine)

No matter what discipline, engineering at its core is the study of problem solving. Just like the Xavier Institute taught X-Men how to control their powers, engineering school teaches you how to harness your math and science and reasoning skills to create efficient solutions to problems that plague people every day.

When you look around yourself, you may be surprised at how many engineers helped create the things around you. Obviously the computer, tablet, phone, or other device you are using to read this was created with the help of hundreds of engineers. We all know what computers do, and how they've changed our world.

So let's look at a simpler case, the light bulb. Sure, it was "invented" a long time ago, but there are still hundreds of engineers working on developing new light bulbs that can do everything from save people money to mimic sunlight in order to make people happier, more productive, and less tired than the light bulbs we had just a few years ago. As a result, a small change like a better light bulb could mean that a struggling single mother has a few more dollars to help make ends meet at the end of the year, or that people are less grumpy during the work day and more content with their lives. And, engineers helped make that happen.

And even more basic, thousands of engineers devote their careers to creating electricity so that you can turn on the light bulbs, computers, phones, and tablets you take for granted. And so that doctors can power tools (also created with the help of engineers) that can see past human flesh and find the cause of ailments without drawing a drop of blood. Try and tell me that isn't just as great as when Superman flew so fast he reversed time.

But even things without a plug are made with the help of engineers. There are the sneakers you wear, whose materials are engineered for durability, performance, and comfort. And the windows you gaze out longingly may be engineered to shatter in a way to prevent you from getting injured, or to not let off poisonous fumes in case of a fire. The water you drink has been purified by a system designed and maintained by engineers (unless you happen to live in a remote area with super clean springs where you slake your thirst each morning with Bambi and Thumper).  Even the makeup you wear has a team of engineers and scientists working to perfect it.

I could go on and on, but pretty much everywhere I look- I see something that has been carefully designed by an engineer. And each one of these things makes my life just a little bit nicer. Some women have told me that they didn't choose engineering because they wanted to be in a profession where they could help people, but I truly believe that engineers help people (although often total strangers) every day.

But this just describes why it is awesome to be an engineer, not a female engineer. If I'm being completely honest (which you know I love to be), I believe that a lot of society is built around the idea that women are dependent creatures who need others to solve their problems. In the movies, you always see superheros rescue beautiful women from their problems. And while on the worst of days the idea of having someone fly in and punch all your demons in the face can be quite tempting, the idea of getting to swoop in and save the day yourself is tempting even on the best of days.

As a female engineer, I've haven't only learned how to solve difficult math problems under pressure. Through my experience creating new systems I've discovered that I can at least try to fix any problem that comes my way from broken pipes, to car trouble, to computer problems. I know it sounds trivial to many other women in our profession (of course you can fix anything you set your mind to). But from what I can see, even in our "modern society" the number of women who feel they can't fix the most minor household issue is almost equivalent to the number of men who "can't cook". You'd be surprised how many times my girlfriends have asked for help hanging pictures, fixing squeaky doors, or doing other things that I or the men they ask for help are not particularly qualified to do.

While there is no harm interacting with other people and working as a team, finding your own independence is essential. Between learning that you are capable of fixing complex problems, and getting the bi-weekly paycheck to cover all of your living expenses- engineering is a career that provides complete independence. As an engineer you can not just be a superhero, you can be your own superhero. And from that perspective, it is a pretty awesome job to have.

Love,

Vanessa

PS. Why do YOU love being an engineer?

Why You Should Date a Female Engineer

For whatever reason, one of the top questions people ask Google that lead to this blog is "why should you date a female engineer". So curious people of the internet, I will take a break from my normal content and give you a <sarcasm> totally unbiased </sarcasm> answer to your question.

[Note: before you get too upset, read the paragraph after the list...]

1. She's too busy to be clingy. Engineers can work some pretty ridiculous hours, so you can't expect her to be sitting around waiting for your text.
2. Years of working with socially inept people makes her forgiving of your social faux pas. You'd have to be super awkward in order to make her feel weird. Your bad self can probably still get away with sandals and socks on occasion.
3. She's trained to consider facts over emotional responses. Contrary to popular belief, this doesn't mean she is dead inside. 
4. If you are a technical person, she's interested in what you did at work today. No more eyes glazing over, she understands what you did and can ask you questions to show she was actually listening. 
5. She knows how to be one of the guys. She won't embarrass you in front of your boys because she knows how to blend into a group of dudes. 
6. She can apply a deep understanding of physics, biology, and chemistry to your relationship. Yup. I went there. 
7. She likes nerdy movies just as much as you do. She won't judge how much you like the Avengers or X-Men, because she loves them too. 
8. She's good under pressure. If anything in your relationship is more stressful than her job, then you are doing something wrong. 
9. She will support you in your endeavors to make your own sandwich. And you should really acquire this life skill and not expect a woman to do it for you. As they say, give a man a sandwich feed him for lunch. Teach a man to make a sandwich, do more useful things with your engineering degree. 
10. She won't call you to fix things around the house. She can fix them herself, thank you very much. Unless it's a gross bug, or a dead animal. Then all the rules go out the window; they don't teach that stuff in thermo.
11. She is a pro at building a solid foundation to any relationship, and knows how to make sparks fly. Yeah, I'm not sure what this one ever is supposed to mean. It's 100% here for a reach pun. I hope you enjoyed it.
12. She will laugh at your lame puns. See the number 11.
13. She's low maintenance. She's learned to sacrifice wearing fashionable dresses and stiletto heels for coveralls and steel toed boots in the name of practicality. 
14. If you have a problem, she'll fix it. Engineers are problem solvers, and we are trained to fix problems instead of just feeling sorry about it.
15. She's not desperate. 

Really, why should a female engineer date you?

If you couldn't tell, this list is a joke. While female engineers are a smaller group than most, there is still a wide range of personalities involved. So, not everyone fits inside the box of what you may think of as a stereotypical female engineer. I don't meet many of the items I've listed above myself. There is about as much reason to date a female engineer as there is to date a scuba diver, or a waitress, or a teacher, or anyone else- you should date someone for who they are. A woman's (or a man's) chosen profession is only a piece of the story of who she (or he) is, and shouldn't be a deciding factor in whether or not you date her (or him).

Cheers,

Vanessa

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How to Accomplish Your Own Priorities at Work

I don't set New Years Resolutions so much as goals/targets for the year. This year, one of my goals was to write a paper for publication in a peer-reviewed journal. I consider it important for my personal growth. Additionally, it is important in helping the company gain transparency with its consumers as a true research organization. I used both of these points to sell this goal to my boss and get her to allow me to put it as one of my official work goals.

My other projects are currently taking all my work time, and this has been the case for the last 6 months, so I have been unable to work on any of the publications I've wanted to. So I made a decision today to work on my paper during my lunch break and after work hours. And then I actually followed through.

While I was working on my paper during lunch, my boss walked by.

Boss: "Oh, Ruby. I know you really want to do this, but I don't think we have the time to focus on this."

Ruby: "But wait, it's my lunch break; I thought I could do what I wanted on my lunch break."

Boss: "Oh, you're right. Go ahead."

I'm grateful that my boss at least admits when she is wrong. And I'm pretty sure I was in the right for speaking up when she tried to micromanage me during my lunch break. At least that's what my friends and coworkers say.

This exchange really irritated me because it should really be my boss' job to realistically prioritize projects such that I have the time to get work done on all of my work goals. I shouldn't have to spend time during lunch to accomplish one of my official work goals.

However, I learned that you shouldn't let anyone, not even your managers who dictate your performance review, walk over you. Especially don't let them take away your freedoms without your say-so. It is better for your own sanity and may even gain you respect for not being the person who lets people walk all over her.

I know this post is titled "How to accomplish your own priorities at work," so I'd better give you some advice on how to do that...

If you truly value something, you had better be willing to sacrifice to get it done. Sometimes it will be as simple as giving up your lunch breaks, but sometimes it will be worse.But if you really want something, don't let anything get in the way of you achieving it.

- Ruby

Gender in the Contracting World

Everyone in the contracting world knows that a large portion of business is done outside of the office. Whether it is on the golf course, in a bar over drinks, at dinner, or one of countless other ways, a lot of getting and keeping big clients is about forging personal relationships. People are more likely to hire somebody they feel like they know and trust than some random stranger. So when two men go out for drinks or dinner, it is just good business. But when a young single woman goes out with a man for drinks or dinner... What exactly is that?

The first few times a client asked me if I wanted to go out for dinner and drinks just the two of us, I made up excuses not to go. I didn't want to end up accidentally on a date, and something about going out with a strange (sometimes married) man seemed like I would be targeted as a girl who was "asking for it" even if I had completely genuine intentions. I considered asking my management or HR for advice, but I felt like it made me sound presumptuous and I was too embarrassed to ask. Plus everyone in management and HR was male, so would they really understand? Instead, I just avoided the situations all together. But as time went on (and after many lengthy philosophical discussions with my friends in similar industries), I realized I was screwing myself out of opportunities by discriminating against myself because of my own gender.

I began to ask myself, "Would this be inappropriate if I was a man?" and unless the question involved the men's bathroom, if it was appropriate for a man I decided it was appropriate for me. So I started to accept offers for business dinners, drinks, and other outings, even if it was just me and a guy (although if I knew he was married, I usually casually suggested bringing his wife). I was careful to draw a line for myself by reverse engineering all the typical signs that "she is totally into you" to make sure that my intentions were always extremely clear: no physical contact at all, don't touch my hair, don't talk about my relationships, use a napkin instead of absent-mindedly licking my lips (especially if we were out getting wings and beer), keep your distance from him where possible, and be careful about how you tease them. Even when walking on eggshells, there was still always the chance that something I did would be taken the wrong way.

I realize that it's kind of ridiculous that I went to these great lengths when in a perfect world I should have just been able to be myself. And I realize that if my list of requirements for a woman's behavior at a business dinner was handed out that a lot of people would be all over how anti-feminist it was. But the truth is that if things got weird, I'm the one who would suffer the most. If things got weird my clients would be more likely to drop my contracting firm, which in turn would make it look like I wasn't doing a good job. On their end, they could just fill my place with one many other contractors, and there would be essentially no change. Maybe that's not how it should be, but that is how it was.

Even when I was very careful, sometimes I would find myself slipping into situations where I felt out of control. Like the time a client asked me if I wanted to spend the weekend at his cabin. Or the time a different client invited me to stay over to his house at 10 pm when I was in a nearby hotel. Or the time a client was insisting that he come hang out in my hotel late on a weeknight. If the line wasn't at dinner and drinks, than where was the line? On one hand it still murkily passed the "would this be weird if I was man" test (they might really just want to hang out). But in the context of the specific relationship those still just sounded like trouble and I would decline or figure out a way to bring another coworker or client along. 

Even if there is nothing but a completely professional relationship where both of you are extremely clear on the boundaries, there is always the question of "what does everyone else think"? Once I had forged strong professional relationships with clients, my bosses and coworkers used to note that it was odd that many of my clients would call me directly regarding projects that weren't even mine. My coworkers were especially vocal about teasing me for ridiculous reasons why they hadn't been called first like:

"Joe just wants to talk to you because he wants to hear the voice of a woman."  No, he just knows me and trusts that I will solve the problem. 

"Joe and Vanessa went out on a romantic dinner last night, he's just calling to follow up." No, we grabbed burgers after working a 14 hour day. 

"Joe's totally in love with Vanessa." No. No. No. No. No. 

On one hand, there was no real measurable impact of these comments and jokes. My clients loved me (but weren't in love with me), and my coworkers didn't control the business I got. On the other hand, I felt like comments about me winning business because by being a femme fatale (which was ridiculous) instead of an engineer who happened to be awesome at networking would slowly chip away at my reputation. As my friend Ruby has pointed out to me, people only make jokes that they believe are true on some level. And can you imagine these comments being made to a man in my position? 

My point is that for women (especially single women) in a heavily male dominated contracting world, you are kind of damned if you do and damned if you don't. Our business relationships are often tainted with some level of weirdness, whether it is perceived by us or outsiders, that doesn't impact single gender relationships. It's treated as a weirder occurrence than married guys going to a strip club on their lunch breaks. It seems the only way to try to avoid the weirdness is by installing a glass ceiling above your own head as a barrier, and even that doesn't always work. It's one of the reasons I left contracting, and have moved to the other side of the table where there is no way I can be accused of whoring myself out for engineering work.

While I am much happier on this side of the table, I still wonder if there is any way to fix the Catch-22 situation where female contractors are currently stuck. And I know most engineers have never even considered it, or realize how bad it can be. 

What are your thoughts? Have any of the male readers ever felt the same weirdness as contractors?

Love, 

Vanessa

How to Find A Mentor

The other day I was telling my friends a story that an old mentor told me, and I realized me saying "my mentor" was about as specific as Henry VIII of England saying "my ex-wife". Even though I learned all sorts of theories in school, the moment I stepped foot into a real office I needed somebody to show me the ropes and teach me how to actually do what I had practiced so many times in theory. Many work environments have assigned mentors or particularly helpful people who will watch out for you. But if they don't, finding a mentor can be a scary proposition.

Here's some tips I've learned over the years about finding mentors:

No "Define The Relationship" talk is required. Before I started full time work, I read a lot of books which suggested walking into someones office and asking if they would be your mentor. A mentor and mentee relationship doesn't have to be a formalized process involving three letters of recommendation, weekly progress reports, and regular meetings. In my mind, a mentor is just somebody who you can count on to provide guidance. In engineering, I've noticed a lot of experienced people can be intimidated by the idea of having a formalized mentoring relationship because of the time commitment required. By just casually asking questions when you need help, you get to avoid an awkward conversation and most people are more than happy to spare a few minutes here and there to help you.

Nobody wants to deal with this awkward moment

Have multiple mentors. In most environments, everyone has something different at which they excel. Each mentor you have can offer a different perspective on your work and your career, and splitting the work of mentoring makes your personal improvement less of a burden on the mentors themselves. You don't have one professor in college, so why learn exclusively from one person after you graduate? Identify what you want to improve about yourself, and find someone (or multiple people!) to help you do that.

Don't limit yourself by your job description. Sometimes the mentor that you need for a specific task is not in your department. Sometimes they are not even an engineer. For example, I've learned a lot from the union workers and technicians about how parts actually function in the real world (not just on paper), and I've learned from administrative assistants how I can fast track processes.

Communicate your questions clearly. If you are worried about seeming incompetent for a question you need to ask, pretending you know what you are doing could lead to disaster. You can always ask questions by saying "I understand that *basic information about how the system works*, but I was wondering if you know how *specific question*". By stating what you know as part of the question it both gives relevant background and shows that you are competent.

Ask your own questions. While asking questions is not a bad thing, being the funnel for answers is not a great thing either. When you are new somebody asks you a question you can't answer, give them the information to try to ask the question themselves.

Thank mentors for their time. It's common sense, but when people take time out of their day to help you succeed, make sure you at least say "thank you".

Mentor somebody else. If you expect for other people to help you, remember to give back to the circle of mentoring by helping someone else out. That can mean helping other people learn something you do well, even if they are generally considered more experienced than you. For example, I taught one of my technical mentors how to write basic scripts in Excel.

Mentors are not always right. Getting mentored is great, accepting facts without questioning and understanding them is not. Like all human beings, even mentors can be wrong. So make sure you think about the advice critically.

Love,

Vanessa

Questions to Ask During an Interview

IT IS THAT TIME OF YEAR AGAIN! Most students are still readjusting to living on campus, but job fairs are starting all over the country and interviews will be soon to follow.

One of the (many) things I used to dread before interviews was what questions to ask my interviewer. I knew that coming in with nothing to ask made you look unprepared, but I never knew what I really needed to know about a potential job (other than a couple questions intended to prove I'd done my research). These questions are an amazing opportunity for you to collect information about different potential careers. Remember, job interviews are a two way street- you need to figure out that you want the job just as much as they need to figure out that they want you.

To help others through the interview question debacle, I've compiled a list of questions which target things that have surprised either me or my friends upon arriving at a new engineering job. A lot of this information may be included in the job description, so make sure to read it carefully and not for information which has already been provided to you. Note that this is most relevant for personal interviews, not technical interviews. If you have the opportunity to ask questions at the end of a technical interview it wouldn't be totally out of line, just know your audience.

BONUS TIP: For those of you who identify closer to the socially awkward end of the spectrum (you know who you are), make sure to consider your tone as you ask these questions. You want to sound conversational and not like you are grilling the interviewer in a murder investigation. If you aren't sure how you are being perceived, practice asking your questions to a friend or family member before the actual interview.

What is the position? 

I can't even begin to tell you how many job postings I've seen that say something along the lines of "Engineer needed to work with cross functional team to develop quality products and solve problems." Note that this could be a description for literally any engineering job on the face of the planet. All it really tells you is that somebody who knows nothing about engineering wrote this (probably somebody in HR who was just told "we need more engineers!"). So in your interview, ask some follow up questions like: What niche are you looking to fill in your organization that has motivated you to hire for this position? What other departments or people would I be working with? What product or type of product will I be working on? If you have technical people on your interview board, you can also ask: What type of engineer are you looking to hire? People with technical backgrounds close to yours will be likely to give you a technical answer to this particular question, while business people will be more likely to give you a general "somebody who can engineer" type of answer that won't really help you.

Use the answers to relate your skills to the job for which they are hiring before asking the next question on your list. Creating a dialogue will make the interview feel more natural for you and your interviewer, and will allow you the chance to sell yourself after the initial round of questions.

In addition to helping you get the job, these questions will help prevent the bate and switch. By this I mean some job titles say "engineer" but you don't get to actually engineer anything. Knowing what work will be required in the position will help you decide between potential offers down the line.

What engineering tools do you use for the job I would be doing? 

Many job descriptions do not list what software programs, lab equipment, etc. you will be expected to use. For these positions, finding out what engineering tools are used for the job you are expected to do gives you insight to how much they are willing to invest in helping their engineers perform their jobs. It also clarifies what the job will actually entail, and gives you talking points to align your skills to the work that they need completed. For example, if one job requires you do all of your sketches in Paint and another requires CAD, this may factor into your decision of where you would best fit.

I wish this wasn't an "engineering tool" I've seen people use.

Tailor this question to the types of tools you would expect to see at the job (especially ones you are trained to use!) since "engineering tools" is a pretty broad category. It will both give you a more meaningful answer, and let you highlight your skills (if they haven't already come up earlier in the interview).

Is there a training program? What does it entail?

If you are going to do technical work at a full time job, there should be a legitimate training program. Some internships include training or a mentoring program, although they are rarely as thorough since companies cannot afford to invest in short term employees as much. No matter how thorough your education is, there is plenty to learn in the specific area in which you will be working. When the training program is more of a "trial by fire" program, consider seriously how much of an issue it would be if you messed up and didn't have a mentor to correct you. If you are working on the landing gear for an airplane, this may be a bigger problem than if you are working on televisions. On the other hand some companies have such rigorous programs that employees are fired regularly before they "graduate", which can be an extremely stressful experience.

How would you describe the company culture?

It's an open ended question that I love to ask during interviews because I find that the unspoken reaction of the interviewer is often more important than the actual response. If they seem to be struggling to say something positive, that's indicative of a real problem.

How long has the position been open? Why is the position open?

These types of questions can help you assess if they are having difficulty filling the position or retaining employees. While these facts don't mean that a workplace is bad, you should take into consideration that there may be a reason everyone is leaving. Be careful when asking this, it can easily sound more aggressive than intended.

What is the career trajectory for this position? Where would you see me in 3 to 5 years? What are the advancement opportunities like?

If you imagine yourself quickly rising through the ranks at a new job, it's important to be sure that this is even an option. Some companies don't promote internally, others will quickly promote you out of an engineering role all together. 

Are there any social activities outside of work?

Some companies have coworkers who go out for drinks weekly, or play softball, or some other type of activity. Others never associate with each other outside of work and pretend they don't recognize each other if they run into somebody at the grocery store. If you are moving to a new town, having a built in group of friends may make a difference to you. If you are a misanthrope, required coworker hangouts may be the worst thing ever.

That's all the questions I have for now, thank you!

Hopefully at this point they'll say something that naturally leads to you asking for their business cards. If you really liked the job, don't be afraid to follow up. Hardly anyone ever does it these days, so this can really help you stand out.

Good luck!  

Love, 

Vanessa

PS. What questions do YOU wished you asked during an interview?

How to Pick A Cute Work Hairstyle

I apologize that I missed last Monday's post. I'm going to try post two times this week to make up for it (insert gasps and cheers from all 20 people that read this blog regularly and never comment). This week I decided to go with a less substantial topic that still impacts engineers: hairstyles.

In an all male environment, it's hard to find inspiration for ways to spice up boring hair days. Something about wearing your hair completely down and having it look nice by the end of the day is a concept that completely evades me. Perhaps it is because of the hardhat I have to occasionally don, perhaps it is my hair's natural proclivity for knots,  or perhaps I just fidget too much. Any way you slice it,  I need a hairstyle that is cute while still being durable enough to deal with a full day of work.

Everyone has a day like this sometimes...

While I considered posting pictures and instructions for the different styles I like, I realized this is a solved problem and that there are in fact dozens (if not hundreds) of videos that show how to make every hairstyle I feel like I've invented. To that end, I scoured YouTube for engineer-proof hair tutorials, and have come up with the following:

Hair Tied Ponytail 

The simplest of these hairstyles is a sleek way to spice up the average ponytail. Hair wrapped ponytails hide your neon hair elastics, and make the hairstyle look office appropriate.

Rave reviews from one coworker say, "But...  Where does your hair end? "

French Braid Side Ponytail

This is a slightly more complex variation on the side ponytail. It only takes 10 minutes or less to do in the morning, so it won't cut back on your much needed sleep.

What my coworkers have to say about it: "Vanessa,  your hair confuses me."
"You must have magic to make hair do that."

Braided Bun

The braided bun is a great way to get a sleek look quick, when your hair is not cooperating. Cons are it isn't necessarily good for a hard hat, and it uses an ass-ton of bobby pins (which is relevant for workplaces which regulate the amount of metal you have). 

One day,  when I was wearing my hair in a Braided bun,  my coworker found a bobby pin on the ground. While I was minding my own business typing an email,  he slipped it into my hair and said, " I believe this belongs to you." Truth is, he was probably right because I was the only one wearing my hair up, but it was VERY uncomfortable anyways.

Side Bun

I'd love to say that I wear side buns instead of regular buns because they are more fashionable. But the truth is, my preference for side buns over regular buns is a result of the fact that regular buns make driving in a car quite literally a pain in the neck. There is nowhere to put your head that isn't super uncomfortable. I would venture to guess that the longer a commute a woman has, the less likely she is to wear a huge bun protruding from the back of her head.

So if you love buns, and hate neck-aches, here is a tutorial for how to make a quick side bun:

Standard fair. Poorly done you look like an angry librarian. Well done,  you look like you mean business.

Hairband:

Especially if you have shorter hair,  this is the easiest way to look like you tried with minimal effort. I recommend doing a side part,  or letting your bangs fall normally (if you have them)  so your bangs don't look like somebody out of an 80s work out video.

If you don't know how to use a hairband yet... than here is 5 ways to do so:

I go through prolonged hairband phases, and they usually involve solid colored hairbands. Although, I will admit that I was involved in the blinged out butterfly and flower hairband phase and am not entirely over it even though I am aware it is socially unacceptable.

That's all for now. Variety is the spice of life, so try a new hairstyle tomorrow!

Love,

Vanessa

First Impressions of New Hires

Disclaimer: This is not meant to scare you, just to share what happens in my non-conventional work environment. It is meant to inform you, but not to make you paranoid of every nice gesture on your first day.

So here is the honest truth about what happens when a new girl  has joined one of my companies where there are over 80% men. The biggest thing to understand is that men and women in this environment have adjusted to the fact that female engineers are as rare as a rainbow unicorn. So when a new woman starts and people don't know who she is, chances are people will bet that she is a secretary, marketer, salesperson, or any other non-engineering job their company has. This has something to do with the fact that women tend to dress up for their first day in a stereotypically "non-engineering" or feminine way (I spent over an hour getting ready before my first day of work), and something to do with the fact that statistically the new girl is almost never an engineer.

Wouldn't you be surprised if you worked with a unicorn? 

Once everyone meets her, people tend to place the same sort of bets on who will be the first one to ask her out, date her, fuck her, etc. It's wildly inappropriate, but it happens consistently in my workplaces and can range from more innocent comments to very explicit statements. For the new girl, the awkward onslaught of people hitting on you can be very uncomfortable when you are just trying to figure out how to charge the time you work and where the bathroom is. 

The majority of guys involved try the awkward engineer approach, like the one who told a new female engineer on her first day: "I really love the way you wear... colors. You really pull it off." Others will drop more standard pickup lines into work conversations, or invite the girl to spend a weekend with him at his lake house. It all sounds innocent enough, but everyone else can hear these conversations from their cubes. In my opinion, a lot of it is done for show and the woman is often established as the "new woman" and not as the "new engineer". While I don't believe the men intend to be vicious, I do think that it creates an environment where women are initially not taken as seriously as their male counterparts.

I'd like to point out that none of the female engineers I've worked with have actually dated or slept with one of the men involved in these bets. Usually it just means that all of the guys are overly nice to the new girl, and that there are a few awkward conversations. 

It's not just men who can make the transition awkward for new female hires. Note I said earlier "people tend to place bets" and not "men tend to place bets"- some women make similar bets on who will be the first to hit on a girl. This is interestingly usually done in a way offensive to the man, as if he is so desperate he'll hit on any new person he meets. 

In addition, the female engineers will have one of three reactions to new female hires in this environment. The first group will not care at all, and will react the same for male and female employees. The second will have a strong negative reaction to a new woman because they will have less attention and some even feel like their job is less secure. For example, if there are only two women at the company, it is hard to fire one without seeming sexist. But if there are four women, firing one of them seems less sexist and more that the woman was under-performing. The last group will be super excited to have new women in the office, as it may help change the testosterone filled environment. I am somewhere between the first and third group, since I'm pretty excited for new hires in general but I enjoy having a coworker that is guaranteed to not try and talk about his dick.

Is there room for more than one unicorn in an office?

The women end up usually coming around within the month when they feel more comfortable that their position is safe, and usually the original "challenge" phase is over for the men when they realize they can't win you like a prize at a carnival.

If you find yourself with some overly "nice" brand new coworkers, try not to worry about their possible bets and bullshit. Your new coworkers don't expect you to know about any of this, so you can't exactly address it head on. Take help that is offered to you while maintaining professional behavior, and use their eagerness as an opportunity to get yourself up to speed as quickly as possible. You'll soon find your niche at work, and prove to everyone that you are competent and they are lucky to have you on their team for your skills (not your gender). 

The easiest way to change this environment is by proving it wrong one awesome scientist and engineer at a time. So go ahead, take that hour to get ready for your first day at work if you want to, and bust some stereotypes. 

Love, 

Vanessa

How to Spot a Good Manager

Vanessa tells me that while I talk a lot about what it's like to be a new engineer in the field, I don't talk frequently about what it's like to be a female engineer. I don't talk a lot about gender roles in engineering because I don't feel I have as much to contribute on the topic as most other women in engineering. This is because I work at an engineering company which has close to 50% women, which is is kind of like stumbling into cave full of already-mined, already-cut 30 carat diamonds after stumbling through a cave of already-mined gold. I know that you're thinking, "liar, liar, pants on fire! No engineering company has that many women!" But it's true.

This is how I imagine we would interact if/when I mentioned the gender distribution at my firm in a face-to-face conversation.

And there is more. Not only do I work with a decent number of female coworkers, but there are also a fair number of women who are managers at the company. Yes, my boss is a woman. To top that, my boss' boss is a woman and my boss' boss' boss is a woman.

So, you see, I'm not the most informed source when it comes to engineer workplace gender inequalities. I do, however, have a bit more insight into women in management. I compiled a list of the women in management, categorized them into good managers and poor managers, and compiled a list of common traits for each category. This list is solely based on female managers, but looking back at it, it's clear that it's applicable to both genders. Anyways, onto the list.

In my opinion, there are a few things that good managers will do:

Maintain realistic expectations
For me, what truly makes a manager stand out is that they are realistic and that they maintain focus. They know that ideals are great, and can be pursued to a certain extent, but you must keep your eye on the prize at all times. These managers accomplish a great balance between encouraging scientific inquiry and requiring deliverables which will meet business needs. They allow time for your pet projects (e.g. investigating a really weird observation, which could result in a new discovery and published paper), but also keep the main focus on the business needs (e.g. that equipment redesign plan that's necessary to for the next phase of the project).

Give praise when praise is due
Another common theme with some of my awesome female managers is that they know when and where to give praise. An ideal manager will give praise regularly for big-ticket projects and occasionally for doing a good job in general. Praise should be given regularly, but not too frequently.

Poor managers have a hard time balancing the correct amount of praise. Some will praise you too frequently, which doesn't seem like such a horror until you realize that they're praising you for things that don't merit praise (e.g. taking meeting minutes). Then, when they do praise you for big-ticket projects, it no longer feels like an accomplishment because your epic three-week intense project got the same response as taking meeting minutes.

Other poor managers will praise you too infrequently. In these cases, the managers don't appreciate your work, nor your many unpaid overtime hours, nor having a project be well-received by a client, nor that you saved their files from an untimely coffee spill. All of these acts are worthy of praise, especially that last one, of course. The bosses who cannot see that such acts are worthy of praise can pretty much be described in one word: "grumpy." I've seen first-hand how a lack of such praise makes employees feel defeated and thus think that overachieving will never be worth the effort.

And here are some things that a good manager will not do:

Disrespect the underlings
I had one manager who told me to my face that she knew more about science than I did, even though her degree was in business management. Telling anyone that their knowledge is inadequate when they've worked and studied hard in the area is going to hurt them. Plus the underling will know the manager is full of crap and lose respect for the things they do know about.

Be a slimy politician
Seriously. Reserve politics for the actual politicians, the ones who think they run a country and who like to talk circles around the issue. If your manager thinks she's a smooth talker, then I can almost guarantee that her underlings think she's a lousy scientist and a panderer. That manager tends to make life harder for their underlings. Because let's face it, smooth talkers make impossible promises. And then the underlings either have to bust their butts to meet unreasonable deadlines or deal with falling short when the deadline arrives.

Do not be indecisive and inconsistent
That one's pretty much self explanatory. Good managers aren't wishy-washy. Good managers don't change their minds (unless it's justified by new evidence). And good managers have their thoughts organized enough that they remember what they've previously decided. It's a waste of time to convince someone of something you've already spent an hour convincing them of earlier that week.


If you look at the list, you'll realize that there's no reason the same exact list can't apply to men. I have never seen any particular drawback which is specific to one gender or the other. In my mind, if you're a good manager, then that's the end of it; management skills aren't attributable to gender. The female managers I have dealt with aren't catty, bitchy, or any of the other stereotypes engineers often think define a women in management.

However, I do acknowledge that all of these cases of good and bad managers came from my own experiences with women in management and that my data may have a systemic bias/skew because of the distribution of women/men in my firm. So I'd love to hear from other sources: What is your company's gender distribution like and what are your experiences with women in management?

Best,
Ruby

How to Eat Like a Lady

I'm not the most graceful person, and I never claimed to be. You'd think that in a field filled with men, my less than dainty habits would be accepted at face value. But my occasional "unrefined" behavior seems to always seems to end up attracting more attention than intended- even at the lunch table. Take the following example:

SCENE: It is noon on a Wednesday and the fluorescent lights of the lunchroom are beating down on an odd conglomeration of people- mostly men. They range from youth fresh out of college, to card carrying AARP members. Some wear polo shirts, and others wear ties that slowly strangle them throughout the day. It's lunchtime and in their ravenous fervor, these men have all turned into children- devouring their lunches like Cookie Monster with little bits of sandwich flying like meaty shrapnel. They curse at each other and casually joke with their mouths' stuffed. 

I am silently observing the feasting, as I slowly eat my grapes. It is gross, and fascinating. Then, one fateful grape slipped out of my fingers and swiftly fell down my shirt. Of course I had managed to not only drop food, but drop it down my high cut shirt. The commotion stopped, and everyone became eerily quiet; somehow everyone managed to have seen my mishap. I froze, unable to figure out how to act. Do I retrieve the grape from down my shirt in the middle of a room filled with male coworkers as they watch?

You could feel the tension in the room as I lowered my eyes, reached for another grape in my Ziploc baggie, and continued to eat ignoring the cold grape in my shirt. One by one, people seemed to think they had tricked themselves in what they saw, and they resumed their normal behavior. Meanwhile I silently freaked out about the fact that there was still, in fact, a grape in my shirt.

As you can see, a simple slip up can cause a very awkward situation. So when eating with coworkers you should sit up, chew with your mouth closed, and don't drop things down your shirt. If you can manage that, then you'll make it out just fine.

Love,

Vanessa

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How To Be An Engineer, Not A Secretary

I took minutes for a few meetings this past week and sent them out to everyone in attendance. Each time, my boss hit the reply all button and commented with a simple and quick, "Great minutes, Ruby. Thanks for doing this." I am fully aware that I respond well to praise and validation, so this little comment from my boss is a nice touch. However, the number of thanks I've got for taking meeting minutes is disproportionate to the number of thanks I've gotten for doing other things, such as my daily engineering tasks. This makes me wonder, I am perceived as a better secretary than an engineer?

I know I'm good at secretarial things, like taking epic meeting minutes. As an engineer, I find it easy to accomplish and integrate them into my daily tasks. After all, I'm the technology-savvy one of the group. I can essentially type at the pace that people talk and capture all the important pieces of conversation while simultaneous pulling up schematics and study designs and contributing to the meeting. I can also manage to reorganize my notes so that it's more cohesive and understandable than the actual meetings.

I choose to complete some secretarial tasks to improve my own job performance as an engineer. But just because I'm good at secretarial tasks shouldn't mean that I should be relegated to a secretarial role in my boss' or coworkers' minds.

In fact, I find that more people (and my boss in particular) are aware of and impressed by my secretarial skills than my engineering skills. This is a little surprising. I know that my technical background can be impressive. After all, one of my coworkers told me I'm one of only two young employees he respects technically. I've also been given the nickname of "genius" (which is really awkward when said in hearing range of any of my other coworkers). Given my experience, accomplishments, and expertise in technical work, it's weird to get compliments on non-engineering work rather on work that takes a lot more skill and expertise.

My question here is: Why is it that I'm more recognized for being secretarial than technical?

I can imagine a number of explanations including gender role prejudices, a subconscious drive on my part to be a secretary, it's a knee-jerk reaction/compliment, or just because I'm the newest kid on the block.

Maybe the reason for my receiving praise for secretarial work can be attributed to gender role prejudices. I know there's a study which indicates that generally women in the group are relegated to "female" jobs such as being the secretary.

Women who have internships or jobs, she [Susan Sibley] explains, find they"are too often relegated to 'female' roles of note-taker, organizer or manager." ~Study by Susan Silbey at MIT 

In Susan Sibley's scenario, the female engineer is in the minority and therefore her coworkers will consider her the only option to fill the role of the (female) secretary. My problem is that this scenario isn't really applicable to my own situation. In my workplace and especially in the aforementioned recent meetings, I have been surrounded by what might be considered an abundance of women. Anything ratio of women:men which exceeds 1:1 is unusually high in the engineering industry. And most of the women I work with are intelligent and diligent scientists and engineers. However, I seem to be the only woman amongh this crowd who takes on the role of secretary.

It could be that thanking me for secretarial work is just a knee-jerk reaction on my coworkers' part. It could be that it's a habit to compliment someone for doing something outside of the scope of their everyday job in the same way it is a habit for you to always respond to, "How are you doing?" with a simple "good" or "fine." It's possible that my coworkers would give the same compliment regardless of who did the actual minute-taking. In this scenario, they aren't necessarily pointing out that I was doing secretarial work, but just that they appreciate it was done.

Perhaps, as I mentioned earlier, this whole situation has arisen because I have the unconscious mentality that I should be a secretary. I personally don't think of my note-taking and organizational abilities as my subconscious trying to make me into the obedient little secretary it always wanted me to be. That would be a seriously weird and devious move on my subconscious' part. Rather, I think of my actions as a means to obtaining the best notes possible and not being able to trust someone else to do it as well as I can. Because seriously, no one takes better notes than I do. And if getting the best notes possible is the goal, then taking them myself is the practical solution. (Mindset of a control-freak engineer, right here.)

I guess what I'm trying to say is that it's hard not being recognized for your braininess. It's hard to be recognized for your simple, mundane (though necessary work) when what you really want is to be recognized for the big things that I accomplish.

You want to be called first and foremost an engineer because you put in your time at school, you went through the pain of all-nighters, you learned those complex formulas and processes, and you earned your engineering degree. But you're not done yet. You have some more time, pain, and learning to go before you'll be universally recognized as a engineer.