How to Apply to Jobs Without Being Fired

At many companies, there are cultures of happiness, creation, and productivity. At certain companies, there are cultures of depression. At some point in time, people at the latter set of companies begin to discuss with their coworkers their plans for their future- which do not include the current company.

So obviously talking at your current job about quitting and moving on to greener pastures is super inappropriate, especially when nobody in the conversation actually has another job yet. If you are truly unhappy you should just confide in your close friends, right? It's a weird line that adults don't warn you about when you are in school. Once you join the working world and spend 8+ hours a day with the same cast of characters, a lot of your friends are people with whom you work.

Enter one of my coworkers (and friends) who made a habit of walking over to my desk to loudly talk about the job applications he had filed over the weekend. He'd asked me to review his resume outside of work, and always texted me when he came across a job he thought I'd like. But during the work day I sat close to our supervisor's office, so I'd hush him at remind him we were at the office and not at a bar.

"I don't care. I want them to hear," he'd say in a huff. "Maybe then they'll fire me. That would be the best day of my life."

For those of us who don't want to be fired but are looking for a new career, here are some simple ground rules.

Don't look at job sites while you are at work. I know when you are unhappy or bored it can be extremely tempting to pick up your phone and check your Monster app, write scathing Glass Door reviews,  or search "anything better than this" on Google. But if somebody sees you doing this at work or notices your browser history shows you spend hours each day doing something that is not your job, this could turn out very poorly for you. Most companies have policies about internet usage (and that usually includes what you browse on your personal phone while on company time). Don't let an unprofessional environment make you an unprofessional person.

Don't talk about your job applications at work. Even if somebody else comes up to discuss his or her future plans (which is behavior you should kindly discourage), you should not respond with information about your search in return while you are in the office. You should probably not discuss this with coworkers at all, since juicy office gossip has a tendency to spread like wildfire. But if you feel like you have to tell your best friend that you have an interview, do it after work when you are not on company property.

Continue to do your best work. This can be very difficult when you are distracted dreaming of new possibilities, but don't let the theory of a new life get in the way of the job you have right in front of you. We live in a world that is continuously getting smaller with the advent of better transportation and more accessible communication devices, so a bad reputation in your current job may carry over into your future life.

Take interviews sparingly. Before you decide to leave work for an interview, make sure you are actually interested in the potential job. Ask questions if you are unclear about the opportunity and be honest with yourself. Is it a good job or just not the terrible job you feel you have right now? Many opportunities will be available to you, but you don't want to have a poor attendance record if you already know you aren't interested in the potential job.

Minimize dishonest behavior. When you have an interview half way across the country on a Wednesday, it's kind of hard to figure out what to tell your boss on your "vacation request" form. My advice is to not say anything unless directly asked, and to tell the truth (minus the interview portion) as much as possible. Don't use anything that requires others sympathy as an excuse (such as "my grandfather died", "my son is ill", or "my roommate is in the hospital"). If everything works out, they'll figure out later that you were at an interview when you accept the new position and you don't want to look like an asshole. If you decide not to take the job, you don't want the story to be interesting enough to bring up questions.

With this advice, you can find a new job without compromising yourself as an employee. By keeping your conscience clean, you can take your time looking for new work and find the perfect next step in your career.

Love,

Vanessa

PS. Have you ever ended up in a sticky situation while applying for jobs? Let me know in the comments!

How to manage sick days

As a child, I was taught that I had to go to school unless my fever was over 100˚F. That mindset has carried over to how I handle being sick as a working professional. In my mind, it doesn't matter if I'm just a little sick. 80% productivity is better than no productivity. Even if I'm feeling awful, I still go into work if I have looming deadlines to meet. But regardless of how sick I am, if I go into work, I get all those looks. You know the looks I'm talking about - the ones that tell you you're like the devil’s snotty step-daughter, just because you came in with the sniffles.

Whenever someone comes into work sick, there is always an unspoken clash. Some people (primarily the coworkers in near proximity to the ill individual) are angry that the infectious creature has come in to transmit their illness to the entire group. Whereas the person who is sick, especially if you are a new hire like myself, feels like she needs to always have her nose to the grindstone so that she can prove that she's dedicated, loyal, and efficient. When you're sick, it can even get to the point where you need to prove that you're an asset and that a measly fever won't deter you from accomplishing your work. So you put your nose to the grind stone, even if it's dripping with snot. (That just helps to lubricate the stone anyways, right?)

Image by Naomi, our newest contributor!

When you are sick, you are of one mindset, but when you are the healthy individual, trying to deter the transmitted illness, you're of the other mindset. Some people are literally begging you to take a sick day, while you are begging to let you prove that you're worth something.

This is true, even if you're not ill with anything that is transmittable. Earlier this week, one of my coworkers was feeling very ill because of a panic attack that she had, and my coworkers were trying to convince her to go home and take the time to recover. For the sake of this story, I'll cast my sick coworker as Angie, her boyfriend as Freddie, and the coworkers who were trying to gang-press her into taking a sick day as The Mobsters.

Angie: I'm not feeling great now, but I'll just take a nap in my car for a few hours and be fine.

The Mobsters: To heck with the job. Close up your stuff, give us your cell phone. We’ll call Freddie and tell him to meet you at the house. You’re going home and you’re going to bed.

Angie: But I could just take a small nap here for a few hours and then come back to life.

The Mobsters: Your job is not more important than your health.

Angie: I feel better now. Sometimes I get panic attacks.

The Mobsters: You didn’t get enough sleep. That’s why.

Angie: I should just sleep in my car. I’m feeling better, I promise.

The Mobsters: It doesn’t make sense to sleep in your car when you can sleep at home.

You can get your car tomorrow.

Angie: Fine, okay. I'll head home.

Despite the fact that I called them "the mobsters," I think that my coworkers actually did a very good thing in looking out for Angie. Additionally, I think they said something which can act as a good rule of thumb, "Your job is not more important than your health." Further, I think that there is an addendum I would like to add, "Your job is not more important than your coworkers' health." 

Image by Naomi, our newest contributor!

In fact, these two mantras are what I now use to determine if I'm going to take a sick day or not. I ask myself these two questions: 

1. Am I going to hurt myself by going to work? 
2. Am I going to hurt my coworkers by going to work? 

If you cannot answer "no" to both of these questions, then you really should stay home, despite whatever deadlines are looming over your head because your job should not take precedence over health and safety. 

On Holding Doors

It seems that almost everyone in the western world has a strong opinion on who should hold a door open. Most of the men I work with will say that the man should always hold the door open. They say it is chivalry, and a kindness for which I should be grateful. And they are confused by the fact that the "young generation" has so many "feminists" who don't believe in this practice.

"Woman are different than men," one client reminded me as he shook his finger to accentuate the important parts of his monologue. "And I trained my sons so that they would never let you near a door without rushing to open it. It's only right."

And I do understand much of the time it is intended to be a kindness. When the fellow right in front of me holds the door open for me, I thank him and move on. If the lady in front of me holds the door, I have the same exact response. The problem with this "kindness" is when others will not accept the same.

I was walking through a snowstorm, with the wind howling as I leaned forward and willed myself towards the engineering building. I saw a man was just three paces behind me still in the midst the billowing snow, so I held it open the door as I waited for him to go in. He stopped and gestured for me to go first. I was standing behind the door, freezing my ass off, and gestured that I was already holding the door and he should just go inside. He gestured again for me to go, because I am a woman and my holding the door is compromising his idea of chivalry. I gesture again for him to go, because I was standing behind the door and it was impractical for me to go first. We did this in a snowstorm for minutes like children - children who were both probably getting frostbite. I finally gave up and went inside, severely annoyed.

If it is a kindness and not some sign that women are less than their male counterparts, than why can I not hold the door open when it is convenient to do so? And even when somebody walks through a door that I've held open, I find they often snicker, as if it is ridiculous that I would do the same thing they do for others. Pointing out that I am a woman by insisting that I not hold a door makes me feel uncomfortable in a field where my gender makes me an outsider.

So, I have compiled this helpful flow chart of when I think you should hold the door open, and when it is not reasonable to do so.

Note that at no point does this chart take into account the gender of the person holding the door nor the person for which the door is being held. And unless you see being a woman as being "physically unable to open a door", then there should be no difference in how you treat the two groups, especially in a workplace.

What are your thoughts? Is there any rational reason why women should not hold the door for men?

Cheers,

Vanessa

How to Respond to Emails

Today, I became everything I hate in an e-mail response.

I was typing a clarification email to a client (sent out to four people with me BCCed), and one of my interns stopped over at my cube to ask a question. Since he was patiently waiting, I quickly signed my name and hit send as I spun my chair around to give him my full attention. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw my computer pronounce "Sending to... The guy who you intended and EVERYONE ELSE".

All hope was lost.

I frantically tried to cancel the email, but my reflexes were simply not fast enough. The deed was done. My intern continued to explain the details of his question, but my mind was completely consumed with the fact that I'd just committed a HUGE faux paus.

But why is this so bad? It was just a clarification email, after all.

I don't pretend to know all of the politics that go on with my client, but BCC-ing somebody is not an unintentional step. There are at least five clicks involved in doing this on my email client. And BCC-ing is typically done as a favor to keep somebody in the loop when they shouldn't be. So all I know, is that I was being told this as a secret favor,  and then I fucked it up by hitting the wrong button. Honestly, I have no idea why a BCC-ed person can reply all to people who didn't couldn't see they were copied,  let alone in 4 less clicks than it took to BCC them in the first place.

While I'm on the topic,  there are a couple other moments where emails have confounded me. For example, sometimes my boss will call me into his office to tell me that I am going to be spending the rest of the day at a client site to support emergent issues. As I get back to my desk and start to pack up the things I expect to need, my computer pings and I've gotten calendar items from the same boss with subject lines reading "Team meeting at 2 pm in fourth floor conference room ATTENDANCE MANDATORY". Now, I realize that these go out to the entire team, but I usually go back to his office just to clarify that the all caps warning was not intended for me.

The next type of email I don't get are non sequitur follow up emails. For example,  if I talked with someone ad nauseum about what Linux system we are going to use,  agree upon a solution,  and then I sit down at my desk just in time to receive an email stating,  "Per our conversation,  I am purchasing a Windows 8 tablet." This typically leaves me completely confused,  trying to figure out if they are being passive aggressive, if they simply can't type,  or if they are smoking a very potent hallucinogen and actually think that was close to being relevant.

The third type of email that I don't understand is passive aggressively CC-ing people. I typically try to email directly with somebody about issues I have found with their work, because I think that pointing out mistakes and copying people's bosses and important clients only makes them more defensive. And I think it's just generally douchey to make a spectacle of someone's mistakes before they have the opportunity to correct them. In response I have occasionally gotten vendors that will be frustrated with the fact that I have corrected them, and will send an email to me, my boss, our client, our client's boss, the vendor's boss, the water delivery man, the mailman, all the secretaries, and the President of the United States saying something along the lines of: "What exactly is it you want from me this time?"

I guess the vendor thought he was putting me on the spot here, by making it seem as if I have had completely unreasonable requests. Apparently, he had been complaining that he should be paid more to fix all of my unreasonable requests. What I don't think he entirely think through is the fact that I could, and would, reply all with a list of the bullshit problems they have had and continue to have.

After having that list received by the rest of the involved parties, you  can bet that I got a corrected document back very quickly. He also received no additional pay. So please, don't carbon copy people on an email chain if you haven't fully considered the consequences of having an open dialogue. Or do, because it is incredibly satisfying getting to destroy irresponsible people in reply all.

Love,

Vanessa

PS. What is the most embarrassing interaction you've had over work email?

How to Act in a Women's Bathroom

I think we've all hear a bevy of stories about the unspoken rules of men's bathrooms: don't use the urinal next to someone else when there are other options,  look straight ahead,  etc. But what are the rules for public women's restrooms at work?

Honestly,  I had never even considered it until one of my coworkers tried to catch up with me in between her no-nonsense grunts from one of the stalls. Something about your acquaintance updating you on her kids' lives while she is taking a shit is a supremely uncomfortable situation. I kept trying to gracefully excuse myself from the situation,  but she just kept talking.

Since that fateful day, I've compiled a list of dos and don'ts for your average office restroom.

1) Keep your clothes on when not in a stall. I don't know why,  but one individual seems to like to zip and unzip her pants by the sinks instead of in the privacy of a stall. This makes everyone uncomfortable. There is no situation in which you will save time by unzipping your clothes before entering a stall and your office restroom is not a place for exhibitionists.

2) Do not engage in conversations where one or both parties are in a stall. I am aware that most of us do this when we are out at a bar with our bff, but when it's a coworker that you only sort of know,  it's weird.

3) Only use stalls with doors.  This isn't an episode of Orange is the New Black,  and nobody is comfortable enough with each other in an office situation to share that type of intimacy. I once worked in a place where one of the stall doors was stuck completely open,  and yet mysteriously every day the blue cleaner in the toilet would disappear by mid morning. I never caught the person using the toilet,  but I'm pretty sure I would have been scarred for life. Or at least the rest of the day.

4) Wash your hands. It's bad enough if you don't do it on your own time, but you should at least make an effort in front of somebody else.

5) Keep chatting time down to 5 minutes. It's true,  we all run into somebody in the restroom occasionally and catch up on company gossip. But even if you are low on work and wasting away your day,  your coworker may actually have things to do. And even if you are both wasting time, all of the men in the office will probably think you are menstruating if you spend 30 minutes chatting in secret, since that is the only reason they can  think of spending that much time in a bathroom.

Those five rules should help you from committing major a major faux pas. Do you have any other pet peeves for things people do in office bathrooms? Share them in the comments!

Love,

Vanessa