How to Act in a Women's Bathroom

I think we've all hear a bevy of stories about the unspoken rules of men's bathrooms: don't use the urinal next to someone else when there are other options,  look straight ahead,  etc. But what are the rules for public women's restrooms at work?

Honestly,  I had never even considered it until one of my coworkers tried to catch up with me in between her no-nonsense grunts from one of the stalls. Something about your acquaintance updating you on her kids' lives while she is taking a shit is a supremely uncomfortable situation. I kept trying to gracefully excuse myself from the situation,  but she just kept talking.

Since that fateful day, I've compiled a list of dos and don'ts for your average office restroom.

1) Keep your clothes on when not in a stall. I don't know why,  but one individual seems to like to zip and unzip her pants by the sinks instead of in the privacy of a stall. This makes everyone uncomfortable. There is no situation in which you will save time by unzipping your clothes before entering a stall and your office restroom is not a place for exhibitionists.

2) Do not engage in conversations where one or both parties are in a stall. I am aware that most of us do this when we are out at a bar with our bff, but when it's a coworker that you only sort of know,  it's weird.

3) Only use stalls with doors.  This isn't an episode of Orange is the New Black,  and nobody is comfortable enough with each other in an office situation to share that type of intimacy. I once worked in a place where one of the stall doors was stuck completely open,  and yet mysteriously every day the blue cleaner in the toilet would disappear by mid morning. I never caught the person using the toilet,  but I'm pretty sure I would have been scarred for life. Or at least the rest of the day.

4) Wash your hands. It's bad enough if you don't do it on your own time, but you should at least make an effort in front of somebody else.

5) Keep chatting time down to 5 minutes. It's true,  we all run into somebody in the restroom occasionally and catch up on company gossip. But even if you are low on work and wasting away your day,  your coworker may actually have things to do. And even if you are both wasting time, all of the men in the office will probably think you are menstruating if you spend 30 minutes chatting in secret, since that is the only reason they can  think of spending that much time in a bathroom.

Those five rules should help you from committing major a major faux pas. Do you have any other pet peeves for things people do in office bathrooms? Share them in the comments!

Love,

Vanessa

How To Work Hard Without Seeming To

Today I was trying to figure out when I needed to start my next experiment, and head over to check the group schedule board. A coworker saw me walk in, the following scene transpired: 

[I walk into the room and head over to our group schedule board. A few coworkers idle close by.] 

Coworker: Hey Ruby, you know you’re working too hard.

Me: Um, okay. Thanks?

[I check the board, and walk out.]

And now you know why I’m an engineer and not a screenplay writer.

I’m still not sure how checking a group schedule board merited such an accusation. Maybe I was walking with too much gusto. Or maybe it was because my coworkers had forgotten my usual work methods after a few days of not seeing me. After all, it was a Monday morning, so morose melancholy is the work mode of choice for most people, making anyone who is acting at normal capacity seem to be excessively productive.

If you’re anything like me, you see yourself as having a reasonable level of productivity, yet you are constantly told how unexpectedly fast you work and what a workaholic you are. I love working with people who are quick and passionate about their work. And yet, when a coworker comments on my work ethic, it is with surprise and a little aversion. The accusatory manner in which my work ethic was greeted this morning was typical of how people react.

After some time in the work force, most people will slide into one of two well-worn paths.

In the first, category you become complacent and secure in your job. Some people in this category stop feeling motivated to put more than an average amount of work in unless under a difficult deadline. Other people in this category actively look for ways to get away with doing less work whenever possible. If any of these people do end up putting more work in, they feel cheated or like the company owes them something.

In the second category, you are recognized as a genius/expert in the company and your obsession with working is acceptable because you are so knowledgeable and passionate. The people in this category are who you go to for advice; they are the sage givers of wisdom; they are always willing to help you understand a technique/technology more in-depth; and they are always excited by new, innovative projects.

However, as the new hire/recent college grad, you have not been in industry long enough for the established employees to accept you in either category. I'm assuming here that you're excited about engineering, that you're excited about proving yourself, that you're excited about making a difference, and therefore that you are aiming to fall into the second category of expert/hard worker. Even if you're knowledgable and passionate, you won't be accepted as the genius/expert in the company until you've proven yourself. And let me tell you, the only way to do that is to consistently work hard and excel over a period of time. Yes, folks, my answer to your problem of getting people to accept you as a passionate engineer/scientist is super helpful: all you need is time.

Here is the obstacle that you will likely face: In trying to achieve this goal, you are going to be judged for working too hard. Working hard is a necessary step to being accepted as a hard worker, obviously. But there is a stigma attached to being an extremely hard-working newbie. Workaholism at a young age will be seen as a problem by most of your peers because you are lower on the totem pole, yet you will be making them look bad. It’s a giant flashing sign indicating how green you are and how different from everyone else you are.

So here’s my (sad) advice to you. Your productivity is a dirty secret. Keep it up, but keep it on the down low. When I make lists and flow charts to organize my day, I either do it digitally or hide the lists under a stack of folders. When I am doing background research for a new project, I only share the most insightful articles with the group, while maintaining a more extensive library of relevant articles in a personal folder on my computer.

Best of luck,
Ruby

How to Avoid the Hangry Pains

My lunch for today consisted of an apple, a granola bar, six Hershey’s Kisses, and a juice box. It’s not the healthiest lunch, I know. And it’s not really the type of brain food I was hoping to have while developing my next experiment. However, there wasn’t much I could do about it. That happened to be all the food I could find stashed in my desk today.

I try to be good about brown-bagging my lunch most days. After all, bringing your lunch has all those great advantages like saving money and eating healthier. Except, somehow, life seems to thwart my plans of health and budgeting with its habitual obstacles. So, on those days, instead of packing myself lunch, I plan to eat in the cafeteria or go out to a local restaurant (read: fast food joint).

Unfortunately, most of my days of planning to outsource lunch prep happen to also fall on disorganized and hectic days. Today was one of those days where the forces of the universe collided and cause me to not bring a lunch, to have a busy work day, and to have forgotten my wallet.

Such days are bad days. Days like today cause the hangry pains – you know, when you’re hungry AND angry. Or become angry because you are hungry. Days like today result in some behavior like:

a)       Stalking the lunch room hoping someone has left a box of donuts for people to eat

b)       Pouncing on people’s leftovers like a vulture

c)       Crawling around the parking lot looking for change to use in a vending machine

d)       Any other type of unsettling, unprofessional behavior

However, there’s a step you can take to avoid acting like a hyperactive squirrel and grabbing all the food in sight. Take my advice: start to create a stockpile of snacks in the bottom drawer of your desk. And yes, I realize that my squirrel analogy has failed because you’ll be stashing food for when it becomes scarce later.

Honestly, though, having a cache of food for the days when everything goes wrong is the easiest solution. That way, when you forget your wallet, your lunch, and your zen state of mind, you can just reach into your desk for a granola bar, an apple sauce, and an instant cup of soup. It’s not the most healthful lunch, but it’ll be sufficient to abate the hangry pains, thus saving your reputation and potentially your job. 

Best of luck, 
Ruby

How to Do Bitchwork Without Falling Asleep

In a perfect world, your job would only be using your engineering degree and your brilliant mind to create new solutions to unique problems. But in the real world there is a lot of paperwork that goes along with solving problems. As the junior employee on the team, chances are the bitch work is going to you (unless you find an intern or a co-op to do it for you).

I made it through all of grade school and college without dozing off in class, but one of my first work assignments was literally so boring that I began to feel myself falling asleep at my desk. This is unprofessional at best, and being a Type A personality - I knew I had to do something about it. Therefore, I derived several methods for how to stay awake when you are assigned to do bitchwork.

The “I didn’t graduate college so long ago” method: Drink a cold, caffeinated beverage. If you’ve been in the workforce for more than two years, the caffeine loses its potency- and you end up still sleeping at your desk.

The “give boredom the run around” method: Run up and down the stairs in your office building every 20 minutes. It is awkward because you may come out huffing and puffing, but at least you’ll be awake. Tip: Don’t do this if you are dating somebody at work, people will get the wrong idea.

The “eat your way to energy” method: Periodically eat throughout the day. The activity of eating will help you focus and give you the energy to power through the pile of . WARNING: This method may not be employed without “the run around” method for prolonged periods of time without causing obesity.

The Mary Poppins method: As Mary Poppins says “In every job that must be done, there is an element of fun.” Mary Poppins is a total beast, so you should take her advice and make your work more entertaining by assigning meaning to boring words. For example when reading hundreds of pages about fire seals you can either take that to mean sealant materials that are fireproof on boats, buildings, planes, and equipment and fall asleep around page 247, OR you can take the much more exciting alternative meaning of magical mutant fiery seals:



Level 1 Fire Seal

Level 10 Fire Seal

SUDDENLY everything becomes more entertaining. See how well that works? And as long as you continue to give your magical imaginary creatures the same requirements as the physical systems you are engineering, then it will also lead to a more accurate product. Make sure to never tell people this is what you are thinking while you are working, or else you may end up with an imaginary job. Be cautious about smiling too much while you do this because your coworkers will either think that you have gone off the deep end, or that you genuinely enjoy bitchwork and give you even more.

Unfortunately, this method doesn’t work for copying and pasting text, data input, and other menial tasks. But that, my friends, is what interns are for.

Love,

Vanessa