Monday, May 27, 2013

How To Deal With Feminine Supplies

As a young woman you either have to deal with a messy painful period every month, or you spent your childhood as a boy. And unfortunately, there is no way to sync this monthly occurrence to avoid important client meetings, project deadlines, or any other work expectations. So instead, you learn how to palm tampons like Houdini as you book it to the nearest bathroom.

However, sometimes the plan to smuggle tampons to the bathroom falls through. For example, one day I had left my backup tampon supply in my car. My office mates tend to open each others' drawers searching for papers for various projects, and I couldn’t bear the thought of them finding boxes of feminine hygiene products.  As a result, at that moment I was utterly and completely dependent on the public bathroom supply. They may not be the highest quality, but they can normally hold you off long enough to get your own stuff.

I rushed into the bathroom between a conference call and a client meeting, slipped my change into the cold metal machine, and turned the crank. There was a solid thud in the machine, and to my horror I saw the largest pad box I’ve seen in my entire life. I figured it was just a poor packaging job, but when I opened the box, it was stuffed with the Argentinosaurus of pads (look it up, this dinosaur weighed over 100 Tons). I’m pretty sure they haven’t changed the supply since the last woman they hired was menstruating in the 1970s.

Don’t believe me? Here it is:

SUPER comfortable (not).
Yeah. It’s a monster. Literally over nine times the size of my regular pad. So large, in fact, that  when you put it on, you can actually see the outline of the pad in business casual work pants. It brings a whole new, and even more socially unacceptable meaning to VPL (visible pad line). Needless to say, I had to go out to my car and get something different because I couldn’t find a way to walk without looking like I was wearing Depends that needed to be changed.

My solution to avoid this situation at all costs in the future: hide tampons in the bathroom. Especially if you can count the number of female co-workers on one hand- this is a totally acceptable method that prevents you from having to palm supplies to the bathroom, or keep tampons by your TI-83. They have to be hidden because having boxes of tampons hanging around is widely considered "unprofessional" when you have clients visit. While I don't know what woman walks into a bathroom and is offended by the idea of freely accessible feminine hygiene products, I accept it and move the stash out of sight.

My favorite place to hide tampons and pads is under sinks. A lot of office buildings have little overhangs under the sink which are the perfect size for stashing a box of supplies. Yes, this means that you occasionally have an awkward moment when another female coworker spots you grasping under the sink. But once they realize the genius plan you have derived, you may find some sister tampon boxes next to your stash the following day.




  1. This is hilarious. Thanks for including the photo. I'm pretty sure my office stocks the same ones. Fortunately, I haven't had to use them...yet.

    1. I hope for your benefit it never comes to that. :)


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