Can Coworkers Be Friends?

So I know that previously I've written about relationships with coworkers (mostly negative or tricky ones). But as I've transitioned from school life to work life (especially when I moved far away from my home town), I've found that some of my coworkers have become my closest friends. The kinds of friends who I talk to more regularly than my high school bffs years after I left the job (men and women alike). I'm actually going to weddings for several coworkers from previous jobs or internships this year.

Pros of coworker friendships:

1.  You can talk to them about your day and they totally get it. Since they understand your industry, they can understand some of the nuances in your day that others may not. And since it's their industry, these stories don't bore them to tears (like some of your non-work friends and family).
2. It's great networking! Especially when you end up moving your separate ways, you end up with strong professional connections at a range of organizations. 
3. If you work together, chances are you have the same (crazy) schedule. If you have to cancel for work reasons, they totally get it. 
4. They can be co-mentors. Even if they are not above you in rank, you can share honest feedback with each other to help each other improve as professionals. I talk through difficult professional situations with ex-coworkers all the time.  
5. They have your back at work. If they see you being criticized, they can defend you when you can't defend yourself. If you are having a tough time personally, they may even try to pick up the slack at work until you get back on your feet.

On the flip side, like regular friendships- some co-worker friendships don't work out for whatever reason. Be aware of this going in, because having a frenemy at work can have a profound impact on your professional life.

Things to keep in mind when you are with work friends:

1. Don't play into the temptations of the work gossip mill. Especially early in a friendship, don't give them ammunition to tell other people, "Vanessa said that she HATES you because..."
2. Drinking to excess with your coworker friends on a regular basis is a no-no. Work besties aren't the ones you want holding your hair after too many shots of tequila- if only because then they'll think of you as being irresponsible. 
3. Promotions, and changes in responsibility can impact your friendships. Be honest with yourself about which friends will support you and which ones will be jealous, and try to introduce changes in your friend dynamic accordingly. 

So, be aware of the fact that these friends are work friends - but don't be afraid of making some real connections with your coworkers. My work friends are a lot of the reason I love my job, and my ex-coworker friends are amazing. They've helped support me through low points, celebrated my successes, been a sounding board when I feel lost, recommended me for future opportunities, and all together been an invaluable resource for me. I hope that all of you find some special coworkers who will be the same foundation for you.

Love,

Vanessa

PS. What experiences have you had with coworkers who crossed over to friends? Are they still close, or was there a catastrophe?

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Moving and Making New Friends

When I talk to my friends who have moved to do awesome things around the world, there is one theme that transcends different culture, environments, and industries... everyone feels like they have a hard time finding new good friends. It's something I call the "reverse empty nester syndrome". When people finally grow up and leave the security of home and school, they find themselves excited about their future but very lonely in a strange new world.

In school, making friends is relatively easy. You sit down next to somebody in class, introduce yourself, and you immediately have a ton in common (the class, the school, mutual friends, etc). For seventeen years (give or take for various degrees) you essentially make friends professionally. But as soon as you move the tassel to the left side of your cap, making friends is suddenly a complex game. What's worse is that when you still Skype, SnapChat, Gchat, Facebook message, tweet, iMessage, text, and call your old friends, you often can barely find time to make new ones.

Cue you eating delivery pizza and drinking wine in an apartment filled with unpacked boxes watching reruns of TV shows on Netflix. And then telling your friends who are hundreds of miles away about it on Skype, SnapChat, Gchat, Facebook, and Twitter. Sound familiar?

While a night in can be great and old friends are "gold" (according to Girl Scout campfire songs), making new friends is an important part of starting your new life somewhere. Starting fresh can be difficult, but it is also a great opportunity to reinvent yourself. Life isn't about wallowing in sadness, so take ownership of your move and try a few of the following ways to meet new friends.

Sit With People in the Lunchroom

If you have a lunchroom at work, take it upon yourself to find an empty seat and introduce yourself to some new people. Sitting at a new table can be oddly scary, but it is a great way to get to actually talk to people at work. You will definitely not make new friends by sitting alone at your desk, so what have you got to lose?

Go to a Meetup

Meetup is a great way to find people nearby who are looking to do things with new friends. If you are worried about safety, go to ones organized in public locations. In bigger cities, you can find people who have specific similar interests. In smaller towns... you can find people!

Try Volunteering

Try doing something good for your new community, and meeting nice people at the same time! If you don't have a charity with which you have a particularly strong connection, check out VolunteerMatch to find new opportunities.

Those were supposed to be hairnets, but they came out looking more like colonial garb.  Again, I never said I was an artist. 

Find a Cultural/Religious Organization

If you identify with a specific culture or religion, try to find a branch nearby. These can be easy ready built communities.

Take a Class

Make new friends while you broaden your horizons and learn a new skill. I'm partial to taking art, exercise or language classes since they are so different from my profession. These are offered at colleges, community centers, gyms, art galleries, etc. Poke around and see what fits you best!

Join a Professional Organization

Build a strong network and meet new people in your area be joining and becoming involved with a professional organization. If you somehow made it through college without being inducted into any professional societies, SWE, ASME, IEEE, ASCE, AIChE, MRS, or whatever other organization that is related to your field are all great options.

However you decide to meet people, make sure to take the initiative to invite your new friends to hang out. Don't forget, making new friends is a process. Keep trying new things and you'll find yourself feeling at home in no time.

Love,

Vanessa

PS. What other suggestions do you have for how adults can make new friends after a big move?